15 June, 2011

Me, Me & More Me...?

It's blue outside right now...like almost 5am and I haven't slept. I've been thinking. Yes. All night. Not having sex but thinking all night. I was just thinking about my family. I live with them but they're just so crazy...ok maybe not crazy but abusive. And I'm not blaming them for all my problems but they have caused a lot of problems for me. I'm only 20 years old, so maybe there are things I don't understand, but I can't live with my parents anymore. I just can't. I can't take the abuse and even though my mom doesn't hit me or anything, I think she's still a part of the abuse. My dad is abusive physically and mentally. He attacks everyone in my family. The police have come to my house so much that they threatened to no longer come because they believe the family just needs a little counseling. Well it's more than a little counseling can fix. The police are useless. They do nothing. I tried to press charges against my dad for attacking me and for some reason that angered the police and suddenly they wanted to arrest me. Cops are useless biased pigs. I guess what I'm trying to say is that my dad has been attacking me--vicious fights because I don't hesitate to defend myself and my mom gets mad at me for calling the police to protect myself or for defending myself. She tells me not to tell anyone. She talks about kicking me out of the house or punishing me for defending myself.

My dad and I have had many fights. He is a lazy greedy abusive bastard. My parents always complain about money. They say they have monstrous bills but not one of them gets a second job to pay anything. No matter how much money they get it's never enough. My dad constantly wastes money on the lottery, beer and cigarettes and I don't even know what else. And my mom won't buy anything. She feels guilty even buying food for the family and she stopped doing everything. She doesn't cook, clean but she works a 9-5 job and then comes home every night and just watches netflix. When she does go food shopping it's only $20 worth of food. And when the microwave broke, my parents picked up a microwave they found on the side of the road. bleh. I hate my parents because they're ridiculous. She makes more than $15 usd an hour and she can't BUY a microwave?! WTF! But this is off topic.

My dad attacked me a couple weeks ago. The police were called. I got hurt. They took him away. He came back and everyone wants to act like nothing happened. I'm not over it. Everyone is talking to him and stuff. I'm upset. I'm still mad. The police threatened to arrest me even though it was self defensive. I was the victim. But because my mom, who was mad at me for calling the police even through my father was throwing me around the house as if I were a teddy bear, told the cops I attacked my father and that he was defending himself from me. Isn't that ridiculous? If I were to get arrested, then that could cause me to lose financial aid for college and if I actually went to jail I could lose my job. My mom is just so stupid. I hate her. I hate both my parents. My mom is fucking crazy. She lets my dad abuse her and every night they run to me or my sibling to call the police. I just hate her. My mom told me she was gonna get a divorce from my father when I turned 18 years old. Well, I'm fucking 20 years old now! She's always looking for excuses. I hate this bitch so fucking much. She's always trying to scare me about moving out and traveling. I'm just so sick of this bitch. She always has something negative to say--always shooting down my ideas and saying I'm crazy. This bitch is whacked. She even discouraged me as a homoerotic author. That's what I like to write so deal with it bitch. I'm not changing for her.

But still, why is everyone acting like my dad's abuse is ok? Nothing changes. I'm fucking sick of it. SICK OF IT!!! I promised myself I wouldn't blog about this, but oh well. I like only putting interesting things on my blog not this stupid family shit. But yeah, I can't live with my parents. They're just too crazy and abusive. But I honestly think that because of my family issues being kept a secret for more than 10 years, I learned how to shut everyone out. It's kinda difficult to understand but I can be a social person but simultaneously, I don't know how to open up to ppl about my true likes--the real me. I've never told anyone that I like yaoi or that I'm an author. I don't say anything I care about to people. And most people think I'm this amazing angelic person. I'm always smiling, handing out compliments, I never stand up for what I believe in, I don't argue--I'm just this submissive docile happy person to everyone outside of my family. My family are the only people that have seen the true lazy person I am. But Idk, maybe I'm really shy? But I also think that my family troubles are always on my mind because that is what I come home to almost every night, so it bothers me but I can't tell anyone and I don't wanna tell anyone because it might ruin my perfect reputation, my mom will be extremely mad and everyone thinks my dad is this amazing handy man. Something has to be done. This post can't even describe the craziness of my mom. And I haven't slept at all tonight but had to get it off my chest. Goodnight my loves xxoxoxxx ;D

08 June, 2011

Beautiful Lightening

To me, lightening is so beautiful. I love watching it streak through the ash black sky. It's just so wonderful--the noise of the heavy rain plunging to the ground and the thunder cracking the sky like a whip. It's sexy. I would like to have sex in the wet grass on a stormy romantic night...or tie an innocent uke (or twink) to a tree and smack his asscheeks w/ a belt and maybe shove a cock like twig up his ass--I'm cruel. I wouldn't let him cum. HA! That's a little off topic--my perverted mind wandering--la la.

More importantly, I didn't know my friends were afraid of lightening. I was w/ my friend and suddenly the sky turned black--so black it looked like the world was coming to an end srsly. I was not scared. I just kept walking. And suddenly, this loud cracking thunder like a lion's roar echoes through the air. My friend started screaming. I was like "calm down." And then the lightening filled the sky.

Constant streaks of purple--looked just like lightening in the movies. My friend was now running and screaming. I was still not scared. It was just lightening. I understand ppl die from being hit by lightening but still I just wasn't scared. So, the lightening was still striking and my friend was screaming "We're in an open area. we're gonna die. I don't wanna die." My friend was literally almost in tears. And the police saw my friend running & screaming like a crazy person. They pull over and stop us. My friend ran into their car like an idiot, slamming against the car and fell down. The police got out of the car and my friend was hysterical. I was so embarrassed. They checked my friend for alcohol b/c they think my friend was obviously drunk or fucking crazy. And they gave us a ride home. So fucking embarrassing. Bleh. =__= Pika pika pikachuuuuuuuuuuuu.

04 June, 2011

Sekaiichi Hatsukoi, Junjou Romantica & My Thoughts

Awww I love Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. I love Junjou Romantica a lot too. I always remember how far Shungiku Nakamura-sensei has come. I remember when I was in I think it was 8th grade--Junoir high school and I stayed home sick from school, of course I wasn't really sick. HA! But I begged my dad for $13 USD and he was like, "Why do u always want 13 dollars? That's such a weird amount." And I would just giggle. Little did he know it was because Digital Manga titles were $12.95 at the time. And I was so excited when I rushed into Borders' manga section, scouting out yaoi titles. I was so happy. And there it was, sitting between two non-yaoi titles was Hybrid Child. Do you remember Hybrid Child?! It was the first manga I ever read by Shungiku Nakamura. I loved that manga. Robotic Ukes being kissed and cuddled by their seme masters. It was just the cutest thing. Of course, now, I can't remember what my favorite story was in the manga but it's really cute. Anyone that hasn't read the manga really should.