30 December, 2010

Suddenly Rilakkuma was...special. Rilakkuma was special. And I realized I wanted my hands to grasp every ounce of him...tee hee :3

27 December, 2010

Je L'aime

Alright, everyone thinks my fantasy is dumb & ridiculous, but I think it's romantic, but ppl must understand my situation. I live in a city over populated with mean, rude, ugly, out of shape, non-romantic, sport playing, beer drinking jerks. I don't want a man like that. I want a romantic, fit, savvy, mature man. One that is intelligent in his studies and wild in the bed room. Not a slobbing drunk that falls asleep 5 minutes into sex. No. So, I want to run off back to Paris and meet a sexy guy at a coffee shop. And he'll be so amazing, and his shirt would be buttoned down so I can stare at his six pack abs. Also, he'll be tall, but not too tall like maybe 6 ft and he won't talk a lot, but when he does speak he'll say something like "Mon coeur est á toi pour toujours." Y'know, stuff that makes your heart pound so loudly in your chest, you think you might faint. *sighs* He and I will go see the Eiffel tower together and hold hands and even kiss on the Ferris wheel. And he'd bring lots of chocolates and hopefully he won't like sweets, so that way there would be more for me. So handsome and sophisticated. It would be so romantic. I told my mom about this, and she was all like "Don't be dumb all men are dogs including yourself." I just kinda looked at her.

25 December, 2010

Delicious Yaoi!! ^__^

Like a couple years ago, I remember seeing an advertisement for Finder vol.1 in a yaoi manga, I was all like "Nah, I don't like the artwork." Ok, I was much younger like 14 or something. And guess what I was stupid. :( The artwork is gorgeous! Everything Ayano Yamane illistratutes is so damn beautiful. And I totally missed out when I was younger. But now that I'm older (20 years old as of today! Whoop! Partytime! ^o^)I just read the greatest yaoi manga on the entire planet ( not counting all the other yaoi mangas I love so much ;D but just saying) Finder is like so addictive and sexy. The sex scenes were like OMG! *blushing* kyaaa! They where so hott. & DMP did such a beautiful job with translating and printing and everything! I'm excited :3 I can't wait to read vol 3 and all the rest of the series. Love this manga & if you haven't read it, you like totally should because a good manga can't read itself, right? :D Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & love you all! xxoxo

24 December, 2010

Returner to Ancestry??

OMG! Like the other day I was reading Sex Pistols (Love Pistols) manga because I was bored and bought it on ebay for like 50 cents (lucky me, right?) But anyways, the manga is pretty good except Kunimasa is just so cruel, it's kinda heart breaking :'(. The most important thing is like I can really relate to this manga. Like besides the whole seeing people as animals thing ( which is pretty funny because Norio sees a sexy girl as an ugly monkey & shes pushing up on him lolz xD) but yeah, I think I found the answer to my problem. I have many admirers randomly, so I must be a premium Returner to Ancestry. Ok, when I worked at other places, no one thought I was so amazing, if anything everyone treated me like crap, but I always went on a few dates & stuff, but suddenly out of the blue, everyone wants to know me, I get phone numbers and gifts from people I don't know. At first it was fun, but now its getting just a little bit scary. Its just so weird, but I'm really flattered ^///^. So my true form must be that cat creature on the right and so my conclusion is everyone wants to mate with me? O_O That doesn't sound good. But here's proof. Like it was during summertime and I was at work (boring) and this guy comes in. He was tall kinda, from another country and barely could speak English. And he comes to me and in a thick Eastern accent, he asks to buy a pack of cigarettes. And he stares directly into my eyes. It was so creepy. He wouldn't look away or anything. And he just looked so intense like he was shocked or something. And I started to blush and feel so uncomfortable. Even then he continued to stare. I got so nervous I couldn't even speak and I dropped his cigarettes. It was awful. And then he says, "Thank you my lovely Aiden." He was still staring into my eyes and I was so freaked out. And then he's all like, "I'll come back to see you." & he licks his lips at me before leaving. I was like whatever. I'll probably never see him again. But his stare was so creepy.

It gets worst. It was another day. Haven't seen him for like a week. And I'm just happily getting a coffee. The store where I bought the coffee is kinda weird. It's half Dunkin' donuts and the other half is just a regular convenience store. And so I get my coffee and guess who is on the other side of the store. That creepy stare guy. I held my breath like OMG! And then I calmed myself. If I could just leave while his back is turned he won't notice me, right? So, I quickly walk towards the door. My plan was so genius. I was almost home free when BAM! The cashier woman, an old woman that is so damn loud her voice hurts my ears, sees me and says as loud as she can, "Hi Aiden, how you doing?" (She's a friend of my dad, her hair looks like glued cotton balls, but she nice and crazy) and the creepy guy turns around. He sees me. I see him. I wave bye to the woman and run out the store. And he chases me! He freakin' chases me. I was so scared. But I out ran him. I didn't think I could run that fast. And in the distance, I hear him screaming "Hey boy. Hey boy!" Like wtf? And I told my friend about it and all he says, "Wow. You have a crazy fan." (insensitive much? :/) Isn't that scary? And yeah, Norio goes through the same type of problems, and maybe b/c I'm a returner to ancestry heavy seeded males want to mate with me. I'm being super serious about this...kinda. xD

22 December, 2010

awww Misaki & Usagi-san

So cute & romantic. I love Misaki & Usagi-san. They're so cute! Usagi-san is such a sweet boyfriend, I wish he was mine, but he's Misaki's so I kinda have to back off lolz xD

21 December, 2010

Totally a Turn Off D:

So lately there's been a lot on my mind. I'm stressed but I'm content. Anyways one thing I keep thinking about is Bara. Surprising? Kinda lolz. Bara: made for gay men by gay men, so the characters are very manly -- super muscular bodies & stuff. And I read a bara manga, absolutely nothing like yaoi. Like I'm not comparing the two but bara is just not my thing, y'know? I like cute ukes with soft, touching plots and sophicated, dominating semes. And bara was like two aggressive semes without a romantic plot having sex. Idk. Maybe I prefer love making over just casual rough sex. Or maybe I do like bara since I keep thinking about the bara manga I read (srry forgot the name of it :p) but yeah, it like scared me lolz because I wasn't use to seeing two manly men pummelling each other. I don't think I'll ever read another bara manga again. Honestly everything about the manga totally turned me off instead of turning me on. It's just not for me *gets chills just thinking about it* It's super late at night right now (4:00 am) & I'm sleepy, so good night my loves ;D

18 December, 2010

Spiv States! ^ _ ^

Jun's (the vocalist) teeth are so cute. He's cute. This whole pv is cute :3 kyaaaaaaa! & the song has been stuck in my head for like 2 weeks now. Crazy, but I love it so much!


17 December, 2010

Don't Know What to Call This Post D:

Ok, so I'm not trying to turn my blog into a diary but this week has been really really crazy. Insane. I'm just going to share two of the incidents I think were the worst. So the other day I was at work working hard or more like just sitting around while everyone else was working. Srry, I'm a little lazy lolz. But anyways, I see this old man that looked like Santa Claus--exactly like him, white beard everything except for the Santa clothing. So, he's very nice and polite and stuff and then he says, "I have a riddle for you." I'm like "What is it?" I'm so naive and dumb sometimes *smh*. And so he's like "Put out your hand." And I do it. I'm thinking: innocent old man has a riddle for me. I'm so curious. So he starts caressing my palm. It was so awkward. But I'm like waiting patiently as he explains this so-called riddle. He's talking and I'm listening and then he asks me (still fondling my fingers) "If the river is too deep how can the horse make it to the other side?" At that moment, I said "huh?" I was like really puzzled. And the old dirty perverted Santa clone says, "I don't know either. But thanks for letting me hold your hand." It gets worse. I'm shocked and disgusted as I pull away, but he uses his manly strength, pulling my hand forward as his yucky moist lips kiss my flesh. I was terrified. He was so strong, I couldn't pull away. He left my hand with a nasty, wet, sloppy kiss that felt as if he were attempting to suck my skin off. Ewwwww. He walked away laughing after watching me wash my hands. It was awful.

The next awful thing. I feel like such a jerk. So tonight I'm at work. I'm putting away some items and I'm at the register. I'm calm and peaceful, thinking about yaoi and then I hear a small voice--sounded like a cute girl's voice. I quickly turn around with a smile. And before I could even speak, my heart almost stopped and I became breathless, speechless. I could only make tiny stuttered whimpers like an animal. Facing me was this human spiderman looking girl. She was hairless--no eyelashes, eyebrows etc. Her skin was the color of fruit punch, she had big blue eyes. Her teeth look like jagged stones. Her face looked like a horrific Friday the 13th Jason mask only in a deep shade of red. My heart almost stopped. I became so faint-- lightheaded and tried to calm down. I feel so bad because I know the expression on my face was probably awful looking. And to make things worse, she leans into me with those big eyes torturing me as I try not to make eye contact, and she says, "You're very cute."

I couldn't take it. I feel so bad for her. I'm sure she's a beautiful person--a heart of gold. I'm just so dumb and immature. I was like really scared. And her skin was peeling. It was flaky like corn flakes. I'm so awful. So, I managed to tell her I'm in a rush b/c I have to pee. And she smiles at me saying, "that's fine. I'll wait." And my mind is racing. I called like every employee over the intercom. I couldn't even think. I just screamed out random names of employees. The girl looked like spiderman for real. And when an employee came to me asking what's wrong. I was like "help this customer I gotta go to the bathroom." And then I bolted off as quick as I could. I feel so bad. Please don't hate me. I feel so bad for the girl. Like God bless her. And yeah, I really had to get some air and nurse a bottle of water before I recovered from feeling so faint. I'm weak like that.

15 December, 2010

Koi Suru Boukun OVA 2 ^_^

I am so happy I got to watch Koi Suru Boukun OVA 2. Love the story, but the OVAs are like a teaser to go read the manga. The manga is amazing. The second OVA on the other hand was not so amazing. It was just kinda weird and a little plotless? Am I only the one that feels this way? O_O But I still liked it. The chances of me watching it again are very slim. After watching it, I was like "hmmm that was boring." Maybe I just expected something greater. I wonder if there will be anymore Koi Suru Boukun OVAs. I hope so because these 2 OVAs are not enough. :( I give OVA 2 3/5 STARS because OVA 1 was sooo much better.

Even if the Snow Falls Down, I Love You

There's nothing more romantic than two boys kissing in the snow. And since it's snowing right now, I wrote a boyslove oneshot about boys kissing in the wintertime. I'm really cold right now. Wish someone would come and warm me up. Enjoy. :)

Even if the Snow Falls Down, I Love You

Saville pulled back from his boyfriend’s, Lasalle, kisses. It wasn’t that he didn’t like them, but at this rate, they would never leave the apartment. Lasalle drew his face close, “What’s the matter? Can’t get enough of my gorgeous face?” he said, smirking with his lips so close he would kiss Saville again. Saville blushed. He was pinned against the wall of the apartment with the tall and handsome, Lasalle blocking him.
“T-that’s not it.” he started in his meek voice.

“Then I’ll continue.” Lasalle leaned in again.

“N-no. It’s just…so hard to stare into your eyes when you make this n-nervous.”
Stepping back a little, Lasalle put his face in his palm. He shook his head.

“We’ve been dating a month now and you still feel that way?” He sighed, “You’re really hopeless.”

“S-sorry.” Saville held his head down.

“It’s fine. I love you even if you’re immature.”

“Immature? I’m not immature.”

“Prove you’re not immature. Kiss me.” Lasalle smirked, leaning in to Saville’s face again. Saville held his breath at first. He blushed. And then bringing his face close to Lasalle’s, he hesitated.

“Hurry up.”

“Rude. Kissing takes time.”

“Only when you’re shy. And if you’re shyness is an act to seduce me, it’s working.”

“Pervert.” Saville pushed him away. “You are such a pervert.” He rolled his eyes. “And we better get going to the candy shop before the snow storm gets worse.”

“Right. Candy is more important than sex? You’re such a child.” Lasalle shook his head.

Lasalle’s trench coat hung near his knees and his scarf was wrapped loosely around his neck. Saville walked by his side but he couldn’t take his eyes off the stern man’s profile. Lasalle always looked so handsome and affluent no matter what he wore. Even at work when he was dressed in a crisp white collared blouse and black slacks, he still looked as gorgeous as ever—sticking out from the crowd. And now with the speckles of snow sifting through his golden hair like crystals, he was just so breathtaking; Saville was mesmerized. He tried to turn away, hoping Lassalle wouldn’t notice. He didn’t want to be criticized by one of Lassalle’s arrogant comments. He softly sighed, seeing his breath like little clouds. It was amazing that even Lasalle could look so beatific covered in snow like this.

At first he didn’t realize it, but his hand was empty. So lonely. His fingers were cold too. His cheeks became flushed. It was so cold. He glanced at Lasalle’s gloved hands, slightly in the pockets. And then he looked at his numb fingers. He whimpered a little.

“Saville are you cold?”

“Mmhm. A little. Just my hands.”

“I’ll give you my gloves.”

“N-no. Then you’re hands will get cold. It’s a just a little longer until we reach the candy shop. I’ll be ok.” Saville said and then smiled at his boyfriend.

“You’re so cute. I’ll never let you suffer no matter what.” Lasalle said and then he removed a glove from his left hand and passed it to Saville. Saville slipped it on. “What good is only having one glove? Our other hands will get cold.”

“Not if we hold hands.”

Saville blushed and hung his head down. His hand was lonely without Lasalle’s. And now that their bare flesh was touching, warmness spread through his body. Lasalle was right. The warmth of the two hands did a better job than any glove. It was a funny sight. Saville almost giggled. His heart pounded so loudly in his chest. He smiled. He didn’t care about where they were going as long as they were holding hands. He never wanted to let Lasalle go. And as he turned away, his soft lips were captured by Lasalle’s. The sudden kiss was surprising at first, but it felt so good. His eyes slightly closed as Lasalle’s wet tongue caressed his mouth. The kissing heated his body. What was this feeling? he thought. It was like he wanted Lasalle to make love to him at that very moment. He pushed himself forward. But a kiss would be enough for right now. He softly cooed, Lasalle’s lips pressed against his. With their tongues wove together, Saville wrapped his arms around Lasalle’s neck. “I love you,” he managed to say between their kisses. And wishing for this moment to never end, the gentle snowflakes covered the two.

“I didn’t want your lips to get cold,” Lasalle said, leaning into Saville.

“I don’t want yours to get cold either.” Saville said and then he pushed his lips aggressively on Lasalle’s, closing his eyes with their arms embracing one another. Even with the snow falling like this, I wish time would stop because I love you, Saville thought with only the faint humming of their kisses echoing through the snowy sky.

13 December, 2010

My Yaoi X-Mas List ^_^

So Christmas is coming up (obvisiously) and its my b-day ( I'm pretty sure i've told everyone the on entire planet lolz) but anyways, I 'm buying myslef some gifts even though I buy myself gifts almost everyday. Is that selfish? I don't think that's selfish, but my parents do. They say I'm totally sef-obsessed. Not true. Also, I was shopping around and I forgot the name of the store, but they were selling Golden Cain (yes, the old yaoi manga from like 2004) for 100.00 USD! That's insane, but I understand that book is hard to find. Still, it's good, but NOT that good. lolz I still remember the last page of the book, Cain says, "let's make love like beasts" Something about that makes me giggle. xD Anyways, here's my yaoi x-mas list:

1. Finder vol.1 Target in the View Finder - I really want this manga and I heard there's a lot of sexy scenes. It's a must read.^///^

2. Little Butterfly Onimbus - The artwork is so beautiful and I've always wanted to read the little butterfly series, so this is perfect because each volume is included.

3. Gackt 2011 calendar -(not yaoi) but he's still so sexy. *nosebleed* I can't control myself.

4. Clear Skies - I want to read this like really really bad. Two guys unwillingly living together fall in love. Its a chamring love story. ^^

5. The Tyrant Falls in Love vol.2 - do I really have to explain this one? The artwork and OVAs speak for themsleves. :)

6. Teahouse Chapter 1 - AMAZING!! xD i love it.

7. Starfighter Chapter 1 - Another awesome book. It's just incredible. I must buy it.

8. lindt fiorettos - because they're amazing chocolates! And who doesn't need chocolate? *drools*

Those are the most important titles on my list. So excited. I already ordered most of them and now, I'm just kinda waiting, checking the mail every day. What's on your x-mas list? :D Anyone have any suggestions for other great titles? ^_^ Happy holidays.

12 December, 2010

Misaki & Usagi-san so cute! :3

This is so cute! I totally feel just like Misaki. I can't say I love you to people that I love. Kyaaaa! I feel for ya Misaki.

My Sanity

I'm losing my mind. I mean like time is just going so fast like woah--can't keep up. And problems just keep building up one after another. I can't take it. I keep solving them with all sorts of strategies and now I'm ehausted. Can't believe that I'm about to turn 20 years old on Christmas day and already 2010 is coming to an end. This was a pretty good year I think. And if I can hang in there for another month this will make my first year at my job. Yay! ^_^ I've never lasted this long at a place without quiting. It's childish, but I'm afraid of the new problems 2011 may hold. And I'm really bored of my same routine, but I'm afraid to change it. I don't know what this feeling is. *sighs* I feel like I should be doing something else--but I'm not sure what it is.

11 December, 2010

Even a Dog Walks into a Pole

What's the insecure Hiro to do when the teasing Tsumori invites Nowaki on a trip to America? A yaoi fanfic of one of my favorite couples, Junjou Egoist. I love Hiroki Kamijou. He's cool and at times, I naturally act like him and I want to become an English professor. Scary. All characters and situations other than my own belong to Shungiku Nakamura. Enjoy. :D

Even a Dog Walks into a Pole

I know I don’t say this quite often, but I really do love Nowaki, Hiro thought. His eyes glanced at the clock in the cafe. He squinted and then averted his eyes to his magazine. He grunted seeing a photo of Akihiko Usami on the front page. Usami-san, you’re hands are still as warm as when you touched me. Now he and Nowaki had been dating for a while and even when Nowaki had studied abroad in America, Hiro’s feelings hadn’t changed. He remembered his pain of losing Nowaki, so now he was sure to never let that happen again. Hiro sighed and folded his arms. His mocha cappuccino loomed before him, the steam tapping the air. He glanced at the wall clock again, the aroma of freshly grounded coffee lulling him to sleep. “Nowaki’s late.” he grumbled under his breath. He already had a vicious attitude, so he assumed seeing his boyfriend would put him in a better mood. But at this rate, he was getting angrier by the second. He squeezed the magazine in his hand. This wasn’t like Nowaki. Maybe something happened. He planned to scold him for making a busy professor wait. Impatiently slamming his bag to his side, he breathed heavily. He stormed out of the door as he turned to the left, the cold wind whipping at his face and taking no steps forward, there facing a car was Nowaki smiling and waving his arm. The handsome man in front of him was Tsumori, Nowaki’s senpai. Hiro held his breath.

Not again, he thought. It wasn’t like he emphasized his dislike for Nowaki’s senpai. Instead he tried to hide it. He frowned and slowly turned to Nowaki with a disgruntle expression on his face. “Nowaki.” he said. He took a breath, “You’re late.”

“Ah, Hiro-san. I’m sorry. I had to help senpai on call. There were a lot of sick children today.”
The disgruntled Hiro then turned toward Nowaki’s senpai. He was smiling as if he were trying to upset Hiro. He said in his taunting voice, “Hope I didn’t keep Nowaki too long, but I took good care of him.” He put his arm around Nowaki’s neck. “We meet again.” Eyeing Hiro’s hand and bag, he blocked his head. Hiro bit his bottom lip until it turned white. He glared at the teasing man before him. His fingers tightly curled around the handle of his bag. He faced Nowaki, “Come on.” He briskly walked away. Nowaki bowed to his senpai. “Excuse me Senpai. Thank you for all your help today.” his senpai smiled and then spoke, watching Hiro from the corner of his eye, “He doesn’t like me very much, does he?”

Nowaki followed after Hiro in the cafe, breathing heavily. He rested his hands on his knees. “Hiro-san. I’m really sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Nowaki’s eye met Hiro’s grim expression as they sat down. Nowaki smiled. “Since I was late, drinks on me.” Hiro grunted. He opened his netbook, light from the screen reflected off the window. “Get me a café au lait.” he said without taking his eyes off the screen. Nowaki smiled again. Hiro was always busy, so it wasn’t like he wanted to complain.

Even with the café au lait before him, Hiro still didn’t bother to look up at Nowaki. His fingers quickly pressed the keys, his serious face was more intimidating than usual. “So Hiro-san, what do you want for dinner tonight?”
“Hmm…,” Hiro lifted his head a little, “Whatever you want.” Hiro couldn’t focus when he was this distracted. He couldn’t get his mind off Nowaki’s senpai. What had those two been doing? This could mean a lot of things, but Hiro didn’t want to jump to conclusions. No matter how many times he thought it over, he never liked Nowaki’s senpai. Never.

He looked up at Nowaki and took a sip from his drink. Nowaki was late because of him, Tsumori. What could this mean? He squinted. Was he driving Nowaki away? What was it about Tsumori that made Hiro not like him so much? It was ridiculous. He was competing with a man Nowaki looked up too. That was the worst kind of jealousy. And recently Nowaki had been spending a lot of time with his senpai. Could it be that there was more to their relationship? Impossible. He shook his head slightly. Nowaki would never cheat. But then he remembered there was once a time when Nowaki and Tsumori had slept shirtless together. Nowaki did explain the situation though. He gritted his teeth at the thought. Maybe he’d been too busy to realize how busy Nowaki had been lately. Now that he thought about it, Nowaki was a little distant nowadays too. But it wasn’t unordinary for them to sacrifice their relationship as Nowaki began to advance in his career. After all, he was still in the process of deciding his future in the medical department. This kind of thinking was ridiculous. Ridiculous! Hiro shook his head back and forth.

Then Nowaki’s deep voice pierced the air as he spoke, “Hiro-san, senpai invited me on a trip to America to get a more in depth on my medical career sometime next week. I’m excited.”
At first, the sudden words knocked Hiro off balance. He tried to hide the worriedness on his face as he regained his posture. It was hard to remain with his cool attitude when his heart was beating so quickly. “Got nothing to do with me. It’s you’re work, so I won’t hold you back.” Hiro averted his eyes back to the screen of the netbook. He frowned. The thought of Nowaki being alone with that jerk on a trip disgusted him. It wasn’t like he could blatantly stop Nowaki--it was work related. Still he didn’t trust Tsumori at all. Even though it felt impossible, but what if Nowaki had a thing for the man; they were in the same field. Hiro’s face soured.
Before Nowaki could speak any further, his cell phone rang. He quickly revealed it from his pocket and looked up at Hiro with downcast eyes. It was the hospital. They just met up but already he was called off again. “Sorry Hiro-san.”

“It’s ok. It’s you’re work. Go.” Hiro’s voice was so cold, it startled Nowaki at first and then his eyes softened as he stood up to leave. “I’ll be back later on tonight.” He leaned into Hiro’s face and pushing his body further, his lips lightly pressed against Hiro’s. When his soft lips parted, Hiro’s face was even more soured than before. He eased back. “T-take care.” he said.

Hiro grunted being alone again, nursing the rest of his café au lait. His fingers slightly touched the spot on his lips were Nowaki had kissed him--their lips touched. He straightened his posture and watched Nowaki until he was out of sight. Lately, he’d been so immersed in his work that he never realized how much time Nowaki spent away--with Tsumori. Was he jealous? It wasn’t that. But at times it felt as if Nowaki was slipping through his fingers, so distant--he couldn’t imagine what Nowaki was thinking about. And no matter how many times Nowaki said he loved him and Hiro believed it, something so trivial like senpai’s licentious teasing could upset his heart. Hiro’s eyes were downcast. He couldn’t believe he was getting so flustered over something they had discussed in the past. Hiro quickly gathered his belongings and exited the café. He was headed to the used bookstore. It would at least take his mind off things, right?

His feet slightly tapped the ground. He held his head high, dismissing his thoughts from before no matter how much they haunted him. Ridiculous, he thought, Nowaki loves me. A young woman and her child caught his eye. “Mommy, I want a new toy. I don’t like this one anymore.” The little girl threw her old doll on the ground. Hiro’s eyes widened. Then she hugged the new one. Just like that. Hiro pulled back. Was Nowaki replacing him? Maybe someone better in the same field? The thought cut into him like a knife. Just like an old toy, he was being replaced by a new better one. It was too hurtful to say aloud. He could feel the sadness weighing on his chest, the tears hardening behind his eyes. I’ve become so weak. How pathetic, getting all teary eyed over an assumption. He should be stronger than that. His eyes fell downcast. But he couldn’t just stand around moping. It was hard, but he loved Nowaki even if he were too embarrassed to say it aloud; it was only natural for him to want to save such a relationship. But just as everything in the world, nothing lasted forever. It was only a matter of time before Nowaki would grow tired of him. He glanced at his reflection in the store window. He saw the image of any angry 29 year-old professor. He gulped. Maybe considering a change? Renewing himself? He never thought about it before but maybe Nowaki was...bored with the same routine. Nonsense. Hiro shook his head at the thought.

He couldn’t recall when he had stopped walking, but somehow he found himself outside of a lingerie store. He blushed. What was he doing? If he remembered correctly, when he was Nowaki’s age, the only thing on his mind was sex. The most embarrassing thing. He blushed up to his ears. He covered his face with his hands. Just looking at the lacy undergarments and stimulating products, he could barely step foot inside. But this was to renew himself for Nowaki—change up their sexual routine. It was selfish that he didn’t want to let go of Nowaki, but it was hard to not be when he was so in love. And with a blushing face, he didn’t stop himself from purchasing a lacy thong— he never imagined wearing it—not even in a hundred billion years.
What am I doing? There was no way he could wear a lacy pink thong in front of Nowaki. He was a man of dignity.

He sighed. I’m pathetic. He looked at it in the bag. He slowly walked home. He heavily sighed. If Nowaki was going to leave him for Tsumori, there really wasn’t anything he could do. They were perfect for each other. It would be better for Nowaki to find a man in the same field, right? Hiro didn’t want to hold Nowaki back from anything. What kind of a man would he be if he interfered with his lover’s dreams? He didn’t want to cry over this. Nowaki and Tsumori in America together bothered him more and more. What could he do? Nowaki must be growing tired of him since that was only natural. Grow up and grow apart. Hiro glanced at the door of his apartment. He didn’t want to enter. He wanted time to pause. The more time passed, eventually Nowaki would leave him. And he’d be left with another broken heart. He didn’t want to be a child about this. He looked in the bag once more, staring at the lacy thong. He blushed again. He couldn’t imagine that even he would go to such lengths to save their relationship. But that just proved how much he cared. His fingers slowly turned the doorknob. He took a breath. As he opened the door, he was unexpectedly greeted by Nowaki’s charming smile. “N-Nowaki?” His voice was panicky as he clutched the bag tighter.

“Senpai let me come home a little early. So, I started making dinner.” Nowaki said as he smiled. There it was again. The painful feeling struck through Hiro’s heart at just Nowaki mentioning his senpai. He clinched his fists, squeezing the bag handles tighter. “Hiro-san, I’ll take your bags. You must be tired, always working so hard.” As Nowaki reached out for the bags, Hiro pulled away. He blushed, “No. I can carry my own stuff.” His nervous laughter followed. He stiffly walked through. What was he thinking? There was no way he could wear a frilly thong in front of Nowaki. What kind of a man would that make him? Just the thought of Nowaki seeing what he bought made him cringe. But still, he bit his bottom lip; Nowaki spent more time with senpai than with him. Who knew what kinds of thoughts were occupying his mind. Hiro slightly tilted back and watched Nowaki in the kitchen. He stood there with his arms crossed, pressing the bag to his chest. His questions were on the tip of his tongue. And then at that moment, watching Nowaki set the table, he realized that no matter what he did, it was only logically that Nowaki would grow apart from him one day. And he’d miss that smile. His eyes fell downcast. And the time would come when he’d have to let Nowaki go. He couldn’t stand the thought of Nowaki leaving him. He held back his cries. He didn’t want to look at Nowaki, his throat choked. If Nowaki’s senpai were going to tear them apart like this, maybe they were better off parting now before things got out of hand. But Hiro smiled to himself. He knew he never give Nowaki up that easily--not when he loved him so much.

“Hiro-san. Dinner’s ready.” Nowaki said, turning to him. “I’m not hungry,” Hiro said as he walked toward the bedroom. Nowaki quickly followed. “Hiro-san.” he said and then he wrapped his arms around Hiro’s small body. It had been so long since these muscular arms had embraced him, his heart beat quickly in his chest. And then the thought of losing Nowaki seemed impossible. He could never give this man up to anyone. But if Nowaki wanted to go, he couldn’t selfishly fetter him. He pushed out of Nowaki’s arms. He could barely look at the man he held so dear, looking up to someone in his field--Tsumori. Hiro felt crushed. Nowaki was probably growing tired of him already. These feelings conflicted in his heart. He wouldn’t let his tears seep out in front of anyone--not even Nowaki. He wished he could be more outspoken about his feelings. But anything was easy for Nowaki to say. He was always the type of person easily liked by everyone, but Hiro was different. He couldn’t. It was just a matter of days before Nowaki would be off with Tsumori and who knew what could happen between them. He was jealous and even though it wouldn’t make a difference, he was angry Nowaki didn’t consult him first. His shaggy hair covered his eyes.

“I started packing for the trip Hiro-san.” Nowaki said. He smiled. And then Hiro’s sour voice pierced the air.

“You’re trip with Tsumori, right?” His words casual flung about. “Yeah. He’s amazing. But Hiro-san, he says you don’t like him very much?”

Smart cookie, Hiro thought. “He has nothing to do with me. You have fun on your trip.” Hiro said and quickly turned away. His heart was breaking before his eyes. And slowly he felt his voice weaken. “Nowadays, it’s always you and Tsumori.”
“Hiro-san?”

“Shut up. His name is all I ever hear come out your mouth. And if this has anything to do with you and that surpassing bullshit, forget it. You could never be on Tsumori’s level either. He’s far above you. The only thing you can do is learn from him and follow in his footsteps. You can look up to him all you want but it still won’t change the fact that you won’t surpass him or me.” Why I am so jealous? It was hard to believe at first. He was competing for his lover--fighting a battle that only Nowaki could choose the winner. He hung his head low.

“Hiro-san...are you jealous of Tsumori senpai?” Nowaki asked.

“No you idiot! Why would I be jealous? I don’t care about any of this. Go on your trip. Have a good time. As a matter of fact, I’ll help you pack.” Once again, Hiro humiliated himself. He blushed. He couldn’t admit he was jealous--desperately trying to save their relationship. He laughed nervously. Nowaki slowly wrapped his arms around Hiro once more. “Hiro-san. You’re worried about the trip, aren’t you?”

“Of course not.” Hiro frowned and then Nowaki softly nipped his ear. Hiro flinched. He blushed. Somehow an idiot like Nowaki can read me like a book. He smiled warmly. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, Nowaki knew how he felt. Hiro took a step back. And accidently his leg knocked over the bag. Hiro gasped as the lacy frilly thong was revealed. Nowaki blushed.

“It’s not what you think, you pervert. That’s not mine--!” Hiro words became shouts as his entire face turned red. Nowaki grinned with lustful eyes. Just imaging that Hiro had bought that to arouse him created a rapid stirring between his thighs. “Hiro-san,” he said, “I understand exactly what you want and I won’t let you go.”
“Idiot...” was all Hiro could manage through his muffled voice with Nowaki’s soft lips pressing against his, as Nowaki’s hand flicked the light switch. It was so sudden the two bodies lying on the kitchen floor in the dark. Hiro’s struggling moans were all the invitation Nowaki needed as his fingers slowly glided into Hiro’s trousers. The glittering moonlight surrounded the two, and their heavy breathing guided the air. It was amazing that he could share this heat with Nowaki, feeling the new aroused coolness of the tiled floor. The coolness was muted by the overbearing heat of the two bodies. Another moan struggled out of Hiro’s lips. The feeling of Nowaki’s hands stroking the tip of his cock, a smothered gasp filled the air. He twitched and flinched, craving Nowaki to take him. He was too embarrassed to say it himself. Nowaki tried to hide his lascivious smirk, now facing Hiro. The older man’s back scrapping against the tiles. His hair was a mess and to Nowaki, with just moonlight highlighting his face, Hiro had never looked more beautiful. Hiro’s heart was pounding in his chest. As he cried out again, his lips met Nowaki’s wet, strong tongue caressing his mouth. A deep humming pulled from between their lips with only the faint gasps of air between their kisses.

Hiro’s fingers trembled as he lightly clawed at Nowaki’s back. And the light from the window reflected off the blurred tears in his eyes, making them gleam like jewels. His body was sweaty, begging to be ravished. Nowaki’s hot tongue eased down his nipples, coating the sensitive flesh with saliva. And the tiny kisses aligning his collarbone created massive waves of pleasure. He softly cooed, only managing to say, “N-Nowaki, stop teasing me.” His pale skin was blushed and his eyes were half opened. Nowaki loved when Hiro was so needy like this, clinging to his back with his arms. He pressed his member against Hiro’s tight hole. And then tenderly, his thick man-rod, oozing with pre-cum, penetrated the entrance, letting Hiro’s tight flesh stretched to withhold his entire swollen organ. Thrusting deeper, Hiro’s body jerked at the pain and as he attempted to release a lustful moan, his quivering lips were captured by Nowaki’s soothing deep kiss.

He pushed in further and further, feeling Hiro’s grip tighten on his back, targeting the pleasure spot with the tip of cock as his balls rubbed against flesh. At first his body moved slowly, letting Hiro relax. And then he quickly gained speed as Hiro simultaneously hurled moans in the air. His ragged breaths surrounded the two. He could barely see Nowaki’s smiling face through his teary vision. This was the man he truly loved, slowly ravishing his breaths--capturing his heart day after day. All that matter was that Nowaki loved him.
Nowaki’s sweaty chest pressed against his as Nowaki pummelled Hiro in a heated frenzy. The friction between the thick cock and the tight hole created a messy sound. And only the single pale moon was a witness, peaking through the glass pane at the two bare bodies, communicating love in the finest pleasure. Hiro’s voice now filled the entire room as Nowaki gave his last spurt and the two, so harmonized released together. He lay on top of Hiro, curling his fingers in Hiro’s hair. Hiro closed his eyes as the soft words lingered in his ear, “I love you and only you.” Nowaki said. I wish we could stay like this forever, Hiro thought. He smiled no matter how childish his wish was.

“Hiro-san, I can’t go.” Nowaki said.

“Don’t be foolish. It’s your work.”

“No. Honestly, I can’t stand being that far away from you. From the moment I met you, I never wanted to leave your side.” Even without seeing Nowaki’s face Hiro could tell his expression was serious. He blushed, fighting off from saying anything that would embarrass him. He realized he was speechless. It was only so long he could keep up his attitude.

“Nowaki.” he said.

“Yes, Hiro-san?”

“You’re a fool.” Hiro said with a smile. Nowaki smiled again and then brought his face close to Hiro’s. “That’s because I’m a fool for you, Hiro-san.” And his lips aggressively greeted Hiro’s. With the stars shining so brightly, Hiro wished upon a star that the two could last like this forever. And ever.

07 December, 2010

Does anyone actually read my blog? Just kinda wondering. But I understand. I'm no good. I haven't written a new story in months but I'm trying so hard and yet, I still fail. Whats the purpose anymore? I'm gonna go dig a ditch and live in it. I give up *jumps in front of a car* :'(