26 January, 2011

Maybe I'm Too Sensitive...?

This is kinda hard to explain and maybe I shouldn't get so upset about this but at my work I was very excited to move into a new department, the cosmetic department (yay! ^.^), now I understand that I'm a novice since I've only been working there for almost a year, but don't get me wrong I'm a great worker. So, I'm about to go to the department and all of sudden this woman I work with starts screaming at me. She was like I don't want you in this department. You're no good. But I'm like, "The manager said that I could work in this department." And then the woman was like, "I don't care who said you could come here. You're a beginner. You're useless." And then my manager wouldn't let me into the comestic department. :'( The woman continued to yell at me even more. She was calling me all these names and stuff, saying that me going into that department wasn't right. And maybe I expected too much but I thought my manager would back me up. Instead he betrays me and agrees with her. I felt like she was beating me up with just her mouth. She hit me at my weak spot, she said, "I don't know anything about the department b/c I'm kinda new." I tried to act civil. I'm like, "It's ok. I understand." Secretly, I could feel the tears harden behind my eyes. And my chest tightened. So, this other person got put in the cosmetic department. I can kinda understand her but she didn't have to scream at me and freak out like she was possessed. And sadly...I think it really hurt my feelings. I felt like a glass that shattered all over the floor--crushed. I can't be an expert if you don't teach me. Or maybe I'm just pathetic to be upset over something so trivil. It was just so unexpected.

I told my friends about it, and they thought it was horrible. But I never mentioned to anyone that after holding back my tears at work and becoming overly defensive with customers that I cried when I got home. The manager knew that I was really upset when he'd catch me staring off lost in thought. And the woman embarrassed me b/c when she shrieked and stuff, almost all the other employees were near us. I was humiliated, degraded and underestimated. But I feel like that often since >I've been there almost a year but haven't been trained in any other department than the one I started in while everyone else has been trained in all departments. And when I ask to be trained, the managers blow me off nicely. And even now as I write this I'm just so angry. I was really looking forward to working in cosmetics. Sadly, right now I'm crying, letting the tears blur my vision, so since I can barely see the text...I'll stop writing.

24 January, 2011

Lelouch & Suzaku ^_~

Def one of my favorite pairings xDDD I love Lelouch ^o^ So cute. Look at Lelouch's sexy horny gaze and Suzaku is so cute with his nervous blushing. Love it! Yaoi FTW! XDD xxoxoxo

20 January, 2011

The Sudden Urge *sighs*

I've been playing Final Fantasy 13. Pretty good game, but one problem. Hope. Hope is my problem. Everytime I see him, I get this sudden urge to write all sorts of crazy erotic fanfiction. This is embarrassing, but he's just so cute. He'd be a great uke. ^^ I really want to write him paired w/ Snow but Snow is so old for him & so much bigger--Hope would get crushed D:. Something about Snow being so big and manly really turns me on and makes want to write him pummeling Hope really really badly. I can't help myself. I'm so crazy. I've been thinking about writing a fanfic for many days now. And finally I'm on my breaking point. I must write this. Most ppl seem to think Snow/ Hope fanfics are ewww, so I might not post it on the blog. D:

17 January, 2011

My Dearest Admiration ~

Sixteen year old Cloud sat on the edge of his bed, restlessly kicking his legs out back and forth. It was hard to concentrate with the creepy noises echoing throughout the Shin-Ra Mansion. The day had been so exhausting, meeting up with Tifa and going to the reactor with his most admired, Sephiroth. His body was exhausted. But he couldn’t sleep, the tiredness weighing on his eyelids; he couldn’t keep his mind off him. Sephiroth had vanished into the basement of the Shin-Ra mansion and no one had heard a word from him since. Sephiroth was special.

At times, Cloud thought about him so much, he realized he had wasted an entire day imagining what it would be like if Sephiroth held him close with those strong arms. What was this feeling? It seemed more than just pure admiration with the way Cloud’s heart beat so quickly whenever he was in Sephiroth’s presence. He placed his hand on his chest, feeling the vibration of his heartbeat. Sephiroth had kissed him once. Not too long ago. But ever since then, Sephiroth acted as if it didn’t mean anything. Cloud took a deep breath. His fingers brushed along his lips in the spot where his lips were once pressed against his hero’s. Maybe Sephiroth had forgotten about their kiss—his feelings. Impossible. That kiss they shared was just too special. At least Cloud hoped it was treasured by Sephiroth just as much as he treasured it. But conveying his feeling would be a waste. It was obvious Sephiroth wouldn’t return them. From what he known, Sephiroth was never the type of man to fall in love—he was a man devoted to his work.

Cloud’s eyes fell downcast. Just the name alone created a stirring between Cloud’s thighs. He rubbed his hands back and forth over his throbbing member. He closed his eyes with a smile. It would be nice if Sephiroth’s long, slender fingers were wrapped around the shaft, sliding up and down. Cloud softly moaned. This was pathetic. He was frustrated. Frustrated that every night he masturbated to the thought of Sephiroth—sometimes even stealing a lock of Sephiroth’s hair just feel like he was always near his love.

He couldn’t recall when his admiration had transformed into something more—when he had fallen in love with a man so great—Sephiroth. He bit his bottom lip. Another night alone with just his imagination. He sighed, revealing his swollen cock, his pants circling his ankles. He flinched at the slight wind that brushed against his sensitive skin. And suddenly he heard the floor creak from behind his bedroom door. Slowly the door knob turned. And as if magic the tall, devious man with silver hair pouring from his scalp like a fountain, stood in the entrance. “Sephiroth,” the name unconsciously spilled from between Cloud’s lips. Cloud gasped. He wasn’t expecting Sephiroth at this time of night. He hadn’t seen the man in days and here, standing before him with straight posture and a lascivious smirk was Sephiroth. A strong shudder controlled Cloud’s thin body. Sephiroth took a step further. Cloud had so much he wanted to say but in the end he fell speechless. With Sephiroth’s lustful eyes perusing every aspect of Cloud's body, his eyes locked on Cloud’s exposed fleshy red member.

Sephiroth’s hot breath rested lightly on Cloud’s flesh. Cloud flinched at the new sensation washing through his frail body. He surrendered himself at the man’s first touch. And in the amidst of night his body had a hunger for pleasure. Sephiroth pressed his finger against Cloud’s lips and then dragged it downward, letting his fingernail roughly glide Cloud’s neck. “S-Sephiroth.” was all Cloud could manage to say. “

The bed sheet wrinkled as Sephiroth climbed on top of Cloud. His fingers played along the boy’s jawline and then before the overwhelmed Cloud could say anything his lips were captured, only his smothered breaths could be heard. And a strangled humming pulled from Cloud’s throat. He felt a sudden loneliness when their mouths parted.

“You’ve been thinking about me, haven’t you?” Sephiroth whispered as he stared into Cloud’s eyes and slide his fingers lightly along the shaft of Cloud’s member. Cloud turned away, blushing. “N-no.” he managed to say with his heart beating so quickly, he assumed it’d explode in his chest. He slightly moaned; gnawing on his bottom lip to diminish the volume of his moans as Sephiroth fingers roughly brushed against his member. Then gripping the head of Cloud’s cock roughly, he said in a sadistic tone, “Liar.” His voice was almost a deep whisper as he placed his lips to Cloud’s ear, “I see the way you’re always watching me—wishing to be me.” He then smirked. Cloud’s eyes widened. He blushed and a thin coat of sweat now covered his body. Sephiroth clicked his tongue staring at his prey and then he easily dragged his moist tongue down Cloud’s neck, planting tiny kisses as he reached the collarbone. Cloud moaned loudly as Sephiroth coated his sensitive nipples adorned like red rubies in saliva. He didn’t know if he could stand for anymore of this without cumming. And as if Sephiroth could read his mind, Sephiroth squeezed the tip, “You can’t cum until I say you can.”

“S-Sephiroth—hnnnng--!” Cloud couldn’t manage to say much now that his lips were smothered by Sephiroth’s deep kiss, their tongues woven together and the more Cloud attempted to cry out, his lips met Sephiroth’s each time, caressing Cloud’s blazing body with his hot fingertips. Cloud wished Sephiroth would never let him go. At that moment, he wanted Sephiroth to take him. No one would know about this. It was a secret just between them. And maybe somewhere in Sephiroth’s heart he shared the same feelings for Cloud. Only the rusted walls could witness their powerful dance of love making. Cloud’s clothes layered the wooden floor and his blond hair covered the coldness of the pillow. All he could see was Sephiroth’s devious and handsome features above him, the shirtless man.

Cloud struggled to control his trembling body, now with his and Sephiroth’s eyes locked on each other, he was embarrassed. The timid look in his eyes was more than an invitation to Sephiroth, his thick manrod pushing against Cloud’s tight entrance. Cloud moaned. He clenched the bed sheet. He turned his head as he wheezed. But Sephiroth covered Cloud’s gasping lips with his own as he pushed his member into the virgin hole without pulling out for Cloud’s body to adjust to his thick size. At first Cloud felt faint at the new pain surrounding him, his body stretching for such a fat cock. The penetration was so deep, Sephiroth’s heated balls met with flesh. He chuckled as if he knew it would hurt Cloud. And simultaneously Cloud was weak. He barely could hold back his cumming at just the first thrust. His hips bucked back and forth as Sephiroth’s tongue teased his nipples again.

This new sensation running through his body was so warm and bold. He couldn’t tell which he enjoyed more the pain or the pleasure. Hearing the sloppy noises of their friction made him blush.

“You’re so sensitive today. Don’t hold back your voice.” Sephiroth said as he squinted. And before Cloud could respond with words, Sephiroth wildly pummeled Cloud in a renew frenzy. The bed springs squeaked and Cloud bit the pillow and finally he released a high pitch moan that echoed throughout the mansion. He was unprepared for Sephiroth’s vicious thrusting; beads of sweat tracing the outline of Sephiroth’s chiseled abs. Cloud moaned more and more with Sephiroth violently targeting Cloud’s pleasure spot with the tip of his massive cock. Cloud wrapped his delicate arms around Sephiroth, hoping he’d thrust more slowly—lovingly.

Cloud managed to place his lips near Sephiroth’s ear and in his gasping voice he whimpered, “Be gentle with me. I’m fragile.” A tear escaped his eye.
Sephiroth laughed and pushed him down, skimming Cloud’s sensitive skin with his lips. And then drawing his lips to Cloud’s tender nipple, he scraped it with his teeth and then heartlessly bit the sensitive flesh. Cloud shrieked. Strangely, even if he’d never admit it aloud, he liked the pain—and Sephiroth knew this.

Sephiroth slowly thrust back and forth and then he quickened his pace. Cloud rocked up and down. Cloud couldn’t take anymore. His eyes were watery, half opened and his voice was growing hoarse from his high-pitched panting. His body was on fire. And with his pale blue colored eyes, he looked up at Sephiroth, sweaty and cooing, gripping Sephiroth’s arm with his fingers, “P-please...” he whimpered, “please let me…cum.” And then his grip weakened and his hands fell limp. In an outburst, his load burst out as he felt Sephiroth simultaneously fill him up with hot creamy cum.

Cloud laid there looking up at the sweaty Sephiroth through his teary vision. His chest slightly heaving up and down with tiny moans escaping his lips, and drizzling down his legs like milky icing was Sephiroth’s man juice.

Sephiroth stood up as he watched Cloud’s heavy eyelids shut. He chuckled to himself taking one last look as he approached the door. “Traitor.” He said and then exited, leaving the boy alone to dream of him until tomorrow’s sunlight.

14 January, 2011

Bad Luck :D

My life..err..I'm kind of a private person like I keep many secrets from my family and friends -- everybody. Isn't there a word for something like that. Paranoia? But anyways, it's embarrassing, but I have a favorite porn star, well many favorite porn stars but that's not the problem. Don't judge me lolz xD. So, one day, there was this porn site I was really interested in ^///^ (talking about this is really making me blush a lot)and the site was like having a special offer. It was only charging 1 USD for 3 days of access. I never buy porn b/c its so expensive and I get bored with it easily, but for 1 USD I was like, "hell yeah." So I got my access and as I expected, the porn site was so not what I wanted. So, I cancelled my subscription and that was that. Here goes--just my luck, right?

Next day, I forgot all about it and used my debit card to buy candy only to be denied. And I was like, "No way. I'm sure I have at least a few dollars in my bank acct." I went to the bank to see what was going on and guess what?! That porn site company had taken every cent from my acct and more causing like so many bank fees. My acct was 1000 USD negative. OMG! I was so pissed. So I called the porn site and demanded my money back. I spoke with this very RUDE guy in Hungary who kept giving me fake e-mail addresses and contact info. The fucking bastard. But the worst part out of all of this was when the rude guy on the phone asked me the name of porn site that I had paid for, he said he was going to look up my acct and needed the name of the site. I was so embarrassed. I couldn't say it out loud with my mom in the same room. So, I tried to mumble it on the phone, but the guy couldn't understand what I was saying. So, I got the brilliant idea of going outside. It was cold out as I stood behind my house. And finally I said the name of the porn site really loud. It was horrible. The site's name was so embarrassing, I'm not even gonna write it. And then from behind me, I hear an old woman's voice say, "Oh my god. You're disgusting." I turned around, my neighbors were outside, staring at me. And the woman was covering her child's ears with her hands. I blushed. I was so embarrassed. Like I wish I could've disappeared. But in the end, things worked out good. I got all my money back, the bank dropped the fees and I learned not to buy porn. But my neighbors still give me weird looks. I'm so embarrassed. They even told my parents. :'(

12 January, 2011

Marginal Prince

There are many words to describe Marginal Prince, but I think the best choice would be RANDOM! The show is so weird and random, but strangely, it is very cute and addicting. And just like everyone else, I really wish there was a stronger yaoi-ness to the show. It does have somewhat boyslove (very unsatisfying) intended scenes that are enjoyably cute, but I wish there was kissing and stuff ;_; but I really can't complain, y'know. The show is pretty good and I will like totally go watch it somemore. Also, Yuuta reminds me of Keita from Gakuen Heaven just a little. I like those cute, kind-hearted characters. But this anime is kinda old like I watched it before a couple years ago & I wasn't very impressed by it. It's really not that good. For anyone who hasn't watched Marginal Prince, I think you should give it a chance b/c it's worth a good laugh lolz :D

11 January, 2011

Today's Lesson :)

Yaoi...is my most dangerous weakness...

10 January, 2011


So...there was this guy I used to hang out with because I was bored and everyone else thought he was really hot, so I was like flaunting him as if he were my arm candy lolz. But recently I saw him and kinda hid, hoping he didn't see me. And lucky me, he didn't. He really liked me a lot but honestly I think he just wanted to get in my pants. If we ever had sex, honestly, I think I'd die from him crushing me or something. But still, he wonders why I broke off our friendship. Like we went from texting and movies to never seeing each other again. I started ignoring his texts and stuff. I just couldn't take it. He was too upscale and experienced for me. Of course I'd never tell him that. And he was 27 years old, gone to the military and was super aggressively touchy. Like every second he was groping me. I'm still a little immature about kissing and stuff. I think I've gotten better at it because now, I can actually get kissed without giggling obnoxiously. I can't even stare at cute guys without blushing. I'm so pathetic. It's ridiculous. But anyways, he was always sliding his hand back and forth on my thigh. It was creepy. And he was huge. Like 6 ft and he was brawny & muscular. I literally looked like a midget next to him.

We met in college one day when I was walking home. I looked like hell. I didn't even brush my hair or teeth that morning. Ewww. I was dressed in a hoodie that made me look like a Jedi from Star wars. I was so gross. And then he starts walking at my pace and then he speaks. He's like, "Hey. What's your name?" I got so scared. He's a giant dude that I don't know asking me my name. So I tell him my name & everything. And he introduces himself. We talk about college. I'm thinking let me ditch this guy quick. I tell him, "Oh, I turn here." I point in a different direction than he's going. So he says, "Bye. Maybe I'll see you around school." I'm thinking, "Whatever. Get lost." I was so like not into him. And I stopped to get ice cream and I'm walking happily. I could see my house in the distance and then out of nowhere that guy was back walking next to me. I was shocked. And then I became terrified. Then I did the STUPIDEST thing ever. He says "Hey, I didn't know I live down the street from you." And then he asked for my phone number, I give him it. I was so dumb. I was just so flattered he wanted my number. My pride was my worst enemy. Ugh.

So months passed and I forgot all about him. But then he texted me one night. And started bugging me about how we need to hang out and stuff. And then I ask him "how old are you?" And then got all defensive on me. He says, "I'm 27, you got a problem with that!?" But after a little while, he invited me to see Robin Hood with him at the movie theater. I'm like, "okay". Can't be too bad since he has a lot of money and all even though I hate movies like Robin Hood. Ugh. So we went. And he had this really nice car. Trust me, my family was blown away. They were all like, "Wow, where'd you find a man like this?" He made me feel so proud and confident. And at the theater he bought me the largest popcorn bucket ever. I was so happy. But things got a little bad after that. We sat down waiting for the movie to start and he takes a fist full of popcorn and I just happen to look over at him. My heart starts racing in my chest. I panicked. A giant lock of my hair was hanging out of his mouth. I was so embarrassed. I thought I might faint at that very second. He was gagging on my hair. How do you apologize for that? And then I blamed the woman that handed him the bucket. Srry lady. And so, I started laughing, but this guy was getting really mad. And so he got up enraged saying how he was gonna hurt that lady that gave us the popcorn. And I was like, "wait! It's not her fault." And he's like, "then who's hair is this?" And I'm like "Idk, maybe it's yours." And then he handed my wet hair to me. I think he knew it was mine after that. I'm sure that really grossed him out, but that didn't stop him from liking me.

The next week he took me on a date. Now, he had no idea what kind of person I was, y'know. I'm def childish. I like Disney movies and candy. So this guy tried to impress me by taking me to Olive Garden. I was so nervous. It might not have been a big deal to him, but for me, it was my first time. I was nervous, to me it was like losing your restaurant virginity. I was scared. Everyone in there was old and fancy. I was dressed in a hoodie, looking even more childish than I had planned. Why not take me to Chuck E Cheese? lolz So I got my menu and I was looking at all these meals, searching for a kid's menu. The guy ordered some dinner I couldn't even pronounce. My head was spinning and I was trembling. I ordered the ice cream sundae. Can't go wrong with ice cream, right? ^_^ I got my ice cream sundae, which turned out to be not what I expected. Just two plain lumps of vanilla. Like wtf? And to make things worse, I got up to go to bathroom and hit my arm against the table, ow ow ow. And my ice cream fell on the the waitress passing by. I was so embarrassed. So, yeah, after that and the guy's drunken phone call in the middle of night about how he wanted to f**k me, I lost all contact w/ him. He was too old & I always humiliated myself around him. So in the end, my life has been less embarrassing for the better. Hey now, I'm probably the most embarrassing person that guy has ever been out with. lolz Later my loves. Aurevoir! ;D

06 January, 2011

Bonjour! Comment allez-vous? :D

So...how is everyone's 2011? I hope it's good. It's like been a while since I blogged about anything, so why not talk about my stalker? lolz I'm serious. It's kinda of a long story, but this guy has known me for a while. Like he knew of me but never really knew me, does that make any sense? O_O but anyways, he's older than me and knows my bro and sis. When I was a kid, he asked me to get naked in front of him and so I did, but my mom saw him looking at my bare body and freaked out. Me and that guy were never friends, he's like 5 years older than me :/ so, yeah, eversince that time when I was 12 years old, he's been stalking me. I'm 20 now, and he's still bothering me. Isn't that crazy?! like wtf? And now, I'm getting sick of his shit y'know. He somehow always gets my phone number and texts me every hour of the day. It's been two years since I stopped replying to his text messages. And now, he's asking me in his texts, "Heyy why don't you ever reply." For some reason, this is really really starting to piss me off. Usually it doesn't get to me so much. This is my fault for not telling him to fuck off, but you'd think he'd unstand that after two years of no reply. I don't like him. But sadly, whenever I see him in person, I usually avoid him or when he says "hi", I give this cheesy smile and wave.

I'm not innocent though. When I was 15, I wanted Junjou Romantica manga, but since JR is rated 18& up, the store wouldn't let me buy JR without showing ID, so I had that crazy stalking guy buy them for me. Yeah, I kinda used him. Bad me, right? But still that doesn't mean I deserve to be harrassed. Or maybe that does? Idk. But the guy has a kid. A kid. With this girl that I feel bad for, b/c he's a dead beat dad. He won't even mention his kid unless someone brings it up. And he left her with the baby. How cruel can he be? And everytime I see him, he tells me he's kinda single. I don't give a shit. Not ever gonna happen buddy. He needs to stop coming to my job and stop calling me. Lately, I've been ignoring him. What should I do? I really don't wanna hurt his feelings, but I really wanna say something very mean to him. Isn't this ridiculous?