Suddenly Rilakkuma was...special. Rilakkuma was special. And I realized I wanted my hands to grasp every ounce of him...tee hee :3

Je L'aime

Alright, everyone thinks my fantasy is dumb & ridiculous, but I think it's romantic, but ppl must understand my situation. I live in a city over populated with mean, rude, ugly, out of shape, non-romantic, sport playing, beer drinking jerks. I don't want a man like that. I want a romantic, fit, savvy, mature man. One that is intelligent in his studies and wild in the bed room. Not a slobbing drunk that falls asleep 5 minutes into sex. No. So, I want to run off back to Paris and meet a sexy guy at a coffee shop. And he'll be so amazing, and his shirt would be buttoned down so I can stare at his six pack abs. Also, he'll be tall, but not too tall like maybe 6 ft and he won't talk a lot, but when he does speak he'll say something like "Mon coeur est á toi pour toujours." Y'know, stuff that makes your heart pound so loudly in your chest, you think you might faint. *sighs* He and I will go see the Eiffel tower together and hold hands and even kiss on the Ferris wheel. And he'd bring lots of chocolates and hopefully he won't like sweets, so that way there would be more for me. So handsome and sophisticated. It would be so romantic. I told my mom about this, and she was all like "Don't be dumb all men are dogs including yourself." I just kinda looked at her.

Delicious Yaoi!! ^__^

Like a couple years ago, I remember seeing an advertisement for Finder vol.1 in a yaoi manga, I was all like "Nah, I don't like the artwork." Ok, I was much younger like 14 or something. And guess what I was stupid. :( The artwork is gorgeous! Everything Ayano Yamane illistratutes is so damn beautiful. And I totally missed out when I was younger. But now that I'm older (20 years old as of today! Whoop! Partytime! ^o^)I just read the greatest yaoi manga on the entire planet ( not counting all the other yaoi mangas I love so much ;D but just saying) Finder is like so addictive and sexy. The sex scenes were like OMG! *blushing* kyaaa! They where so hott. & DMP did such a beautiful job with translating and printing and everything! I'm excited :3 I can't wait to read vol 3 and all the rest of the series. Love this manga & if you haven't read it, you like totally should because a good manga can't read itself, right? :D Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays & love you all! xxoxo

Returner to Ancestry??

OMG! Like the other day I was reading Sex Pistols (Love Pistols) manga because I was bored and bought it on ebay for like 50 cents (lucky me, right?) But anyways, the manga is pretty good except Kunimasa is just so cruel, it's kinda heart breaking :'(. The most important thing is like I can really relate to this manga. Like besides the whole seeing people as animals thing ( which is pretty funny because Norio sees a sexy girl as an ugly monkey & shes pushing up on him lolz xD) but yeah, I think I found the answer to my problem. I have many admirers randomly, so I must be a premium Returner to Ancestry. Ok, when I worked at other places, no one thought I was so amazing, if anything everyone treated me like crap, but I always went on a few dates & stuff, but suddenly out of the blue, everyone wants to know me, I get phone numbers and gifts from people I don't know. At first it was fun, but now its getting just a little bit scary. Its just so weird, but I'm really flattered ^///^. So my true form must be that cat creature on the right and so my conclusion is everyone wants to mate with me? O_O That doesn't sound good. But here's proof. Like it was during summertime and I was at work (boring) and this guy comes in. He was tall kinda, from another country and barely could speak English. And he comes to me and in a thick Eastern accent, he asks to buy a pack of cigarettes. And he stares directly into my eyes. It was so creepy. He wouldn't look away or anything. And he just looked so intense like he was shocked or something. And I started to blush and feel so uncomfortable. Even then he continued to stare. I got so nervous I couldn't even speak and I dropped his cigarettes. It was awful. And then he says, "Thank you my lovely Aiden." He was still staring into my eyes and I was so freaked out. And then he's all like, "I'll come back to see you." & he licks his lips at me before leaving. I was like whatever. I'll probably never see him again. But his stare was so creepy.

It gets worst. It was another day. Haven't seen him for like a week. And I'm just happily getting a coffee. The store where I bought the coffee is kinda weird. It's half Dunkin' donuts and the other half is just a regular convenience store. And so I get my coffee and guess who is on the other side of the store. That creepy stare guy. I held my breath like OMG! And then I calmed myself. If I could just leave while his back is turned he won't notice me, right? So, I quickly walk towards the door. My plan was so genius. I was almost home free when BAM! The cashier woman, an old woman that is so damn loud her voice hurts my ears, sees me and says as loud as she can, "Hi Aiden, how you doing?" (She's a friend of my dad, her hair looks like glued cotton balls, but she nice and crazy) and the creepy guy turns around. He sees me. I see him. I wave bye to the woman and run out the store. And he chases me! He freakin' chases me. I was so scared. But I out ran him. I didn't think I could run that fast. And in the distance, I hear him screaming "Hey boy. Hey boy!" Like wtf? And I told my friend about it and all he says, "Wow. You have a crazy fan." (insensitive much? :/) Isn't that scary? And yeah, Norio goes through the same type of problems, and maybe b/c I'm a returner to ancestry heavy seeded males want to mate with me. I'm being super serious about this...kinda. xD

awww Misaki & Usagi-san

So cute & romantic. I love Misaki & Usagi-san. They're so cute! Usagi-san is such a sweet boyfriend, I wish he was mine, but he's Misaki's so I kinda have to back off lolz xD

Totally a Turn Off D:

So lately there's been a lot on my mind. I'm stressed but I'm content. Anyways one thing I keep thinking about is Bara. Surprising? Kinda lolz. Bara: made for gay men by gay men, so the characters are very manly -- super muscular bodies & stuff. And I read a bara manga, absolutely nothing like yaoi. Like I'm not comparing the two but bara is just not my thing, y'know? I like cute ukes with soft, touching plots and sophicated, dominating semes. And bara was like two aggressive semes without a romantic plot having sex. Idk. Maybe I prefer love making over just casual rough sex. Or maybe I do like bara since I keep thinking about the bara manga I read (srry forgot the name of it :p) but yeah, it like scared me lolz because I wasn't use to seeing two manly men pummelling each other. I don't think I'll ever read another bara manga again. Honestly everything about the manga totally turned me off instead of turning me on. It's just not for me *gets chills just thinking about it* It's super late at night right now (4:00 am) & I'm sleepy, so good night my loves ;D

Spiv States! ^ _ ^

Jun's (the vocalist) teeth are so cute. He's cute. This whole pv is cute :3 kyaaaaaaa! & the song has been stuck in my head for like 2 weeks now. Crazy, but I love it so much!

Don't Know What to Call This Post D:

Ok, so I'm not trying to turn my blog into a diary but this week has been really really crazy. Insane. I'm just going to share two of the incidents I think were the worst. So the other day I was at work working hard or more like just sitting around while everyone else was working. Srry, I'm a little lazy lolz. But anyways, I see this old man that looked like Santa Claus--exactly like him, white beard everything except for the Santa clothing. So, he's very nice and polite and stuff and then he says, "I have a riddle for you." I'm like "What is it?" I'm so naive and dumb sometimes *smh*. And so he's like "Put out your hand." And I do it. I'm thinking: innocent old man has a riddle for me. I'm so curious. So he starts caressing my palm. It was so awkward. But I'm like waiting patiently as he explains this so-called riddle. He's talking and I'm listening and then he asks me (still fondling my fingers) "If the river is too deep how can the horse make it to the other side?" At that moment, I said "huh?" I was like really puzzled. And the old dirty perverted Santa clone says, "I don't know either. But thanks for letting me hold your hand." It gets worse. I'm shocked and disgusted as I pull away, but he uses his manly strength, pulling my hand forward as his yucky moist lips kiss my flesh. I was terrified. He was so strong, I couldn't pull away. He left my hand with a nasty, wet, sloppy kiss that felt as if he were attempting to suck my skin off. Ewwwww. He walked away laughing after watching me wash my hands. It was awful.

The next awful thing. I feel like such a jerk. So tonight I'm at work. I'm putting away some items and I'm at the register. I'm calm and peaceful, thinking about yaoi and then I hear a small voice--sounded like a cute girl's voice. I quickly turn around with a smile. And before I could even speak, my heart almost stopped and I became breathless, speechless. I could only make tiny stuttered whimpers like an animal. Facing me was this human spiderman looking girl. She was hairless--no eyelashes, eyebrows etc. Her skin was the color of fruit punch, she had big blue eyes. Her teeth look like jagged stones. Her face looked like a horrific Friday the 13th Jason mask only in a deep shade of red. My heart almost stopped. I became so faint-- lightheaded and tried to calm down. I feel so bad because I know the expression on my face was probably awful looking. And to make things worse, she leans into me with those big eyes torturing me as I try not to make eye contact, and she says, "You're very cute."

I couldn't take it. I feel so bad for her. I'm sure she's a beautiful person--a heart of gold. I'm just so dumb and immature. I was like really scared. And her skin was peeling. It was flaky like corn flakes. I'm so awful. So, I managed to tell her I'm in a rush b/c I have to pee. And she smiles at me saying, "that's fine. I'll wait." And my mind is racing. I called like every employee over the intercom. I couldn't even think. I just screamed out random names of employees. The girl looked like spiderman for real. And when an employee came to me asking what's wrong. I was like "help this customer I gotta go to the bathroom." And then I bolted off as quick as I could. I feel so bad. Please don't hate me. I feel so bad for the girl. Like God bless her. And yeah, I really had to get some air and nurse a bottle of water before I recovered from feeling so faint. I'm weak like that.

Koi Suru Boukun OVA 2 ^_^

I am so happy I got to watch Koi Suru Boukun OVA 2. Love the story, but the OVAs are like a teaser to go read the manga. The manga is amazing. The second OVA on the other hand was not so amazing. It was just kinda weird and a little plotless? Am I only the one that feels this way? O_O But I still liked it. The chances of me watching it again are very slim. After watching it, I was like "hmmm that was boring." Maybe I just expected something greater. I wonder if there will be anymore Koi Suru Boukun OVAs. I hope so because these 2 OVAs are not enough. :( I give OVA 2 3/5 STARS because OVA 1 was sooo much better.

My Yaoi X-Mas List ^_^

So Christmas is coming up (obvisiously) and its my b-day ( I'm pretty sure i've told everyone the on entire planet lolz) but anyways, I 'm buying myslef some gifts even though I buy myself gifts almost everyday. Is that selfish? I don't think that's selfish, but my parents do. They say I'm totally sef-obsessed. Not true. Also, I was shopping around and I forgot the name of the store, but they were selling Golden Cain (yes, the old yaoi manga from like 2004) for 100.00 USD! That's insane, but I understand that book is hard to find. Still, it's good, but NOT that good. lolz I still remember the last page of the book, Cain says, "let's make love like beasts" Something about that makes me giggle. xD Anyways, here's my yaoi x-mas list:

1. Finder vol.1 Target in the View Finder - I really want this manga and I heard there's a lot of sexy scenes. It's a must read.^///^

2. Little Butterfly Onimbus - The artwork is so beautiful and I've always wanted to read the little butterfly series, so this is perfect because each volume is included.

3. Gackt 2011 calendar -(not yaoi) but he's still so sexy. *nosebleed* I can't control myself.

4. Clear Skies - I want to read this like really really bad. Two guys unwillingly living together fall in love. Its a chamring love story. ^^

5. The Tyrant Falls in Love vol.2 - do I really have to explain this one? The artwork and OVAs speak for themsleves. :)

6. Teahouse Chapter 1 - AMAZING!! xD i love it.

7. Starfighter Chapter 1 - Another awesome book. It's just incredible. I must buy it.

8. lindt fiorettos - because they're amazing chocolates! And who doesn't need chocolate? *drools*

Those are the most important titles on my list. So excited. I already ordered most of them and now, I'm just kinda waiting, checking the mail every day. What's on your x-mas list? :D Anyone have any suggestions for other great titles? ^_^ Happy holidays.

Misaki & Usagi-san so cute! :3

This is so cute! I totally feel just like Misaki. I can't say I love you to people that I love. Kyaaaa! I feel for ya Misaki.

My Sanity

I'm losing my mind. I mean like time is just going so fast like woah--can't keep up. And problems just keep building up one after another. I can't take it. I keep solving them with all sorts of strategies and now I'm ehausted. Can't believe that I'm about to turn 20 years old on Christmas day and already 2010 is coming to an end. This was a pretty good year I think. And if I can hang in there for another month this will make my first year at my job. Yay! ^_^ I've never lasted this long at a place without quiting. It's childish, but I'm afraid of the new problems 2011 may hold. And I'm really bored of my same routine, but I'm afraid to change it. I don't know what this feeling is. *sighs* I feel like I should be doing something else--but I'm not sure what it is.

Even a Dog Walks into a Pole

What's the insecure Hiro to do when the teasing Tsumori invites Nowaki on a trip to America? A yaoi fanfic of one of my favorite couples, Junjou Egoist. I love Hiroki Kamijou. He's cool and at times, I naturally act like him and I want to become an English professor. Scary. All characters and situations other than my own belong to Shungiku Nakamura. Enjoy. :D

Even a Dog Walks into a Pole

I know I don’t say this quite often, but I really do love Nowaki, Hiro thought. His eyes glanced at the clock in the cafe. He squinted and then averted his eyes to his magazine. He grunted seeing a photo of Akihiko Usami on the front page. Usami-san, you’re hands are still as warm as when you touched me. Now he and Nowaki had been dating for a while and even when Nowaki had studied abroad in America, Hiro’s feelings hadn’t changed. He remembered his pain of losing Nowaki, so now he was sure to never let that happen again. Hiro sighed and folded his arms. His mocha cappuccino loomed before him, the steam tapping the air. He glanced at the wall clock again, the aroma of freshly grounded coffee lulling him to sleep. “Nowaki’s late.” he grumbled under his breath. He already had a vicious attitude, so he assumed seeing his boyfriend would put him in a better mood. But at this rate, he was getting angrier by the second. He squeezed the magazine in his hand. This wasn’t like Nowaki. Maybe something happened. He planned to scold him for making a busy professor wait. Impatiently slamming his bag to his side, he breathed heavily. He stormed out of the door as he turned to the left, the cold wind whipping at his face and taking no steps forward, there facing a car was Nowaki smiling and waving his arm. The handsome man in front of him was Tsumori, Nowaki’s senpai. Hiro held his breath.

Not again, he thought. It wasn’t like he emphasized his dislike for Nowaki’s senpai. Instead he tried to hide it. He frowned and slowly turned to Nowaki with a disgruntle expression on his face. “Nowaki.” he said. He took a breath, “You’re late.”

“Ah, Hiro-san. I’m sorry. I had to help senpai on call. There were a lot of sick children today.”
The disgruntled Hiro then turned toward Nowaki’s senpai. He was smiling as if he were trying to upset Hiro. He said in his taunting voice, “Hope I didn’t keep Nowaki too long, but I took good care of him.” He put his arm around Nowaki’s neck. “We meet again.” Eyeing Hiro’s hand and bag, he blocked his head. Hiro bit his bottom lip until it turned white. He glared at the teasing man before him. His fingers tightly curled around the handle of his bag. He faced Nowaki, “Come on.” He briskly walked away. Nowaki bowed to his senpai. “Excuse me Senpai. Thank you for all your help today.” his senpai smiled and then spoke, watching Hiro from the corner of his eye, “He doesn’t like me very much, does he?”

Nowaki followed after Hiro in the cafe, breathing heavily. He rested his hands on his knees. “Hiro-san. I’m really sorry.”

“It doesn’t matter.” Nowaki’s eye met Hiro’s grim expression as they sat down. Nowaki smiled. “Since I was late, drinks on me.” Hiro grunted. He opened his netbook, light from the screen reflected off the window. “Get me a café au lait.” he said without taking his eyes off the screen. Nowaki smiled again. Hiro was always busy, so it wasn’t like he wanted to complain.

Even with the café au lait before him, Hiro still didn’t bother to look up at Nowaki. His fingers quickly pressed the keys, his serious face was more intimidating than usual. “So Hiro-san, what do you want for dinner tonight?”
“Hmm…,” Hiro lifted his head a little, “Whatever you want.” Hiro couldn’t focus when he was this distracted. He couldn’t get his mind off Nowaki’s senpai. What had those two been doing? This could mean a lot of things, but Hiro didn’t want to jump to conclusions. No matter how many times he thought it over, he never liked Nowaki’s senpai. Never.

He looked up at Nowaki and took a sip from his drink. Nowaki was late because of him, Tsumori. What could this mean? He squinted. Was he driving Nowaki away? What was it about Tsumori that made Hiro not like him so much? It was ridiculous. He was competing with a man Nowaki looked up too. That was the worst kind of jealousy. And recently Nowaki had been spending a lot of time with his senpai. Could it be that there was more to their relationship? Impossible. He shook his head slightly. Nowaki would never cheat. But then he remembered there was once a time when Nowaki and Tsumori had slept shirtless together. Nowaki did explain the situation though. He gritted his teeth at the thought. Maybe he’d been too busy to realize how busy Nowaki had been lately. Now that he thought about it, Nowaki was a little distant nowadays too. But it wasn’t unordinary for them to sacrifice their relationship as Nowaki began to advance in his career. After all, he was still in the process of deciding his future in the medical department. This kind of thinking was ridiculous. Ridiculous! Hiro shook his head back and forth.

Then Nowaki’s deep voice pierced the air as he spoke, “Hiro-san, senpai invited me on a trip to America to get a more in depth on my medical career sometime next week. I’m excited.”
At first, the sudden words knocked Hiro off balance. He tried to hide the worriedness on his face as he regained his posture. It was hard to remain with his cool attitude when his heart was beating so quickly. “Got nothing to do with me. It’s you’re work, so I won’t hold you back.” Hiro averted his eyes back to the screen of the netbook. He frowned. The thought of Nowaki being alone with that jerk on a trip disgusted him. It wasn’t like he could blatantly stop Nowaki--it was work related. Still he didn’t trust Tsumori at all. Even though it felt impossible, but what if Nowaki had a thing for the man; they were in the same field. Hiro’s face soured.
Before Nowaki could speak any further, his cell phone rang. He quickly revealed it from his pocket and looked up at Hiro with downcast eyes. It was the hospital. They just met up but already he was called off again. “Sorry Hiro-san.”

“It’s ok. It’s you’re work. Go.” Hiro’s voice was so cold, it startled Nowaki at first and then his eyes softened as he stood up to leave. “I’ll be back later on tonight.” He leaned into Hiro’s face and pushing his body further, his lips lightly pressed against Hiro’s. When his soft lips parted, Hiro’s face was even more soured than before. He eased back. “T-take care.” he said.

Hiro grunted being alone again, nursing the rest of his café au lait. His fingers slightly touched the spot on his lips were Nowaki had kissed him--their lips touched. He straightened his posture and watched Nowaki until he was out of sight. Lately, he’d been so immersed in his work that he never realized how much time Nowaki spent away--with Tsumori. Was he jealous? It wasn’t that. But at times it felt as if Nowaki was slipping through his fingers, so distant--he couldn’t imagine what Nowaki was thinking about. And no matter how many times Nowaki said he loved him and Hiro believed it, something so trivial like senpai’s licentious teasing could upset his heart. Hiro’s eyes were downcast. He couldn’t believe he was getting so flustered over something they had discussed in the past. Hiro quickly gathered his belongings and exited the café. He was headed to the used bookstore. It would at least take his mind off things, right?

His feet slightly tapped the ground. He held his head high, dismissing his thoughts from before no matter how much they haunted him. Ridiculous, he thought, Nowaki loves me. A young woman and her child caught his eye. “Mommy, I want a new toy. I don’t like this one anymore.” The little girl threw her old doll on the ground. Hiro’s eyes widened. Then she hugged the new one. Just like that. Hiro pulled back. Was Nowaki replacing him? Maybe someone better in the same field? The thought cut into him like a knife. Just like an old toy, he was being replaced by a new better one. It was too hurtful to say aloud. He could feel the sadness weighing on his chest, the tears hardening behind his eyes. I’ve become so weak. How pathetic, getting all teary eyed over an assumption. He should be stronger than that. His eyes fell downcast. But he couldn’t just stand around moping. It was hard, but he loved Nowaki even if he were too embarrassed to say it aloud; it was only natural for him to want to save such a relationship. But just as everything in the world, nothing lasted forever. It was only a matter of time before Nowaki would grow tired of him. He glanced at his reflection in the store window. He saw the image of any angry 29 year-old professor. He gulped. Maybe considering a change? Renewing himself? He never thought about it before but maybe Nowaki was...bored with the same routine. Nonsense. Hiro shook his head at the thought.

He couldn’t recall when he had stopped walking, but somehow he found himself outside of a lingerie store. He blushed. What was he doing? If he remembered correctly, when he was Nowaki’s age, the only thing on his mind was sex. The most embarrassing thing. He blushed up to his ears. He covered his face with his hands. Just looking at the lacy undergarments and stimulating products, he could barely step foot inside. But this was to renew himself for Nowaki—change up their sexual routine. It was selfish that he didn’t want to let go of Nowaki, but it was hard to not be when he was so in love. And with a blushing face, he didn’t stop himself from purchasing a lacy thong— he never imagined wearing it—not even in a hundred billion years.
What am I doing? There was no way he could wear a lacy pink thong in front of Nowaki. He was a man of dignity.

He sighed. I’m pathetic. He looked at it in the bag. He slowly walked home. He heavily sighed. If Nowaki was going to leave him for Tsumori, there really wasn’t anything he could do. They were perfect for each other. It would be better for Nowaki to find a man in the same field, right? Hiro didn’t want to hold Nowaki back from anything. What kind of a man would he be if he interfered with his lover’s dreams? He didn’t want to cry over this. Nowaki and Tsumori in America together bothered him more and more. What could he do? Nowaki must be growing tired of him since that was only natural. Grow up and grow apart. Hiro glanced at the door of his apartment. He didn’t want to enter. He wanted time to pause. The more time passed, eventually Nowaki would leave him. And he’d be left with another broken heart. He didn’t want to be a child about this. He looked in the bag once more, staring at the lacy thong. He blushed again. He couldn’t imagine that even he would go to such lengths to save their relationship. But that just proved how much he cared. His fingers slowly turned the doorknob. He took a breath. As he opened the door, he was unexpectedly greeted by Nowaki’s charming smile. “N-Nowaki?” His voice was panicky as he clutched the bag tighter.

“Senpai let me come home a little early. So, I started making dinner.” Nowaki said as he smiled. There it was again. The painful feeling struck through Hiro’s heart at just Nowaki mentioning his senpai. He clinched his fists, squeezing the bag handles tighter. “Hiro-san, I’ll take your bags. You must be tired, always working so hard.” As Nowaki reached out for the bags, Hiro pulled away. He blushed, “No. I can carry my own stuff.” His nervous laughter followed. He stiffly walked through. What was he thinking? There was no way he could wear a frilly thong in front of Nowaki. What kind of a man would that make him? Just the thought of Nowaki seeing what he bought made him cringe. But still, he bit his bottom lip; Nowaki spent more time with senpai than with him. Who knew what kinds of thoughts were occupying his mind. Hiro slightly tilted back and watched Nowaki in the kitchen. He stood there with his arms crossed, pressing the bag to his chest. His questions were on the tip of his tongue. And then at that moment, watching Nowaki set the table, he realized that no matter what he did, it was only logically that Nowaki would grow apart from him one day. And he’d miss that smile. His eyes fell downcast. And the time would come when he’d have to let Nowaki go. He couldn’t stand the thought of Nowaki leaving him. He held back his cries. He didn’t want to look at Nowaki, his throat choked. If Nowaki’s senpai were going to tear them apart like this, maybe they were better off parting now before things got out of hand. But Hiro smiled to himself. He knew he never give Nowaki up that easily--not when he loved him so much.

“Hiro-san. Dinner’s ready.” Nowaki said, turning to him. “I’m not hungry,” Hiro said as he walked toward the bedroom. Nowaki quickly followed. “Hiro-san.” he said and then he wrapped his arms around Hiro’s small body. It had been so long since these muscular arms had embraced him, his heart beat quickly in his chest. And then the thought of losing Nowaki seemed impossible. He could never give this man up to anyone. But if Nowaki wanted to go, he couldn’t selfishly fetter him. He pushed out of Nowaki’s arms. He could barely look at the man he held so dear, looking up to someone in his field--Tsumori. Hiro felt crushed. Nowaki was probably growing tired of him already. These feelings conflicted in his heart. He wouldn’t let his tears seep out in front of anyone--not even Nowaki. He wished he could be more outspoken about his feelings. But anything was easy for Nowaki to say. He was always the type of person easily liked by everyone, but Hiro was different. He couldn’t. It was just a matter of days before Nowaki would be off with Tsumori and who knew what could happen between them. He was jealous and even though it wouldn’t make a difference, he was angry Nowaki didn’t consult him first. His shaggy hair covered his eyes.

“I started packing for the trip Hiro-san.” Nowaki said. He smiled. And then Hiro’s sour voice pierced the air.

“You’re trip with Tsumori, right?” His words casual flung about. “Yeah. He’s amazing. But Hiro-san, he says you don’t like him very much?”

Smart cookie, Hiro thought. “He has nothing to do with me. You have fun on your trip.” Hiro said and quickly turned away. His heart was breaking before his eyes. And slowly he felt his voice weaken. “Nowadays, it’s always you and Tsumori.”
“Hiro-san?”

“Shut up. His name is all I ever hear come out your mouth. And if this has anything to do with you and that surpassing bullshit, forget it. You could never be on Tsumori’s level either. He’s far above you. The only thing you can do is learn from him and follow in his footsteps. You can look up to him all you want but it still won’t change the fact that you won’t surpass him or me.” Why I am so jealous? It was hard to believe at first. He was competing for his lover--fighting a battle that only Nowaki could choose the winner. He hung his head low.

“Hiro-san...are you jealous of Tsumori senpai?” Nowaki asked.

“No you idiot! Why would I be jealous? I don’t care about any of this. Go on your trip. Have a good time. As a matter of fact, I’ll help you pack.” Once again, Hiro humiliated himself. He blushed. He couldn’t admit he was jealous--desperately trying to save their relationship. He laughed nervously. Nowaki slowly wrapped his arms around Hiro once more. “Hiro-san. You’re worried about the trip, aren’t you?”

“Of course not.” Hiro frowned and then Nowaki softly nipped his ear. Hiro flinched. He blushed. Somehow an idiot like Nowaki can read me like a book. He smiled warmly. No matter how hard he tried to hide it, Nowaki knew how he felt. Hiro took a step back. And accidently his leg knocked over the bag. Hiro gasped as the lacy frilly thong was revealed. Nowaki blushed.

“It’s not what you think, you pervert. That’s not mine--!” Hiro words became shouts as his entire face turned red. Nowaki grinned with lustful eyes. Just imaging that Hiro had bought that to arouse him created a rapid stirring between his thighs. “Hiro-san,” he said, “I understand exactly what you want and I won’t let you go.”
“Idiot...” was all Hiro could manage through his muffled voice with Nowaki’s soft lips pressing against his, as Nowaki’s hand flicked the light switch. It was so sudden the two bodies lying on the kitchen floor in the dark. Hiro’s struggling moans were all the invitation Nowaki needed as his fingers slowly glided into Hiro’s trousers. The glittering moonlight surrounded the two, and their heavy breathing guided the air. It was amazing that he could share this heat with Nowaki, feeling the new aroused coolness of the tiled floor. The coolness was muted by the overbearing heat of the two bodies. Another moan struggled out of Hiro’s lips. The feeling of Nowaki’s hands stroking the tip of his cock, a smothered gasp filled the air. He twitched and flinched, craving Nowaki to take him. He was too embarrassed to say it himself. Nowaki tried to hide his lascivious smirk, now facing Hiro. The older man’s back scrapping against the tiles. His hair was a mess and to Nowaki, with just moonlight highlighting his face, Hiro had never looked more beautiful. Hiro’s heart was pounding in his chest. As he cried out again, his lips met Nowaki’s wet, strong tongue caressing his mouth. A deep humming pulled from between their lips with only the faint gasps of air between their kisses.

Hiro’s fingers trembled as he lightly clawed at Nowaki’s back. And the light from the window reflected off the blurred tears in his eyes, making them gleam like jewels. His body was sweaty, begging to be ravished. Nowaki’s hot tongue eased down his nipples, coating the sensitive flesh with saliva. And the tiny kisses aligning his collarbone created massive waves of pleasure. He softly cooed, only managing to say, “N-Nowaki, stop teasing me.” His pale skin was blushed and his eyes were half opened. Nowaki loved when Hiro was so needy like this, clinging to his back with his arms. He pressed his member against Hiro’s tight hole. And then tenderly, his thick man-rod, oozing with pre-cum, penetrated the entrance, letting Hiro’s tight flesh stretched to withhold his entire swollen organ. Thrusting deeper, Hiro’s body jerked at the pain and as he attempted to release a lustful moan, his quivering lips were captured by Nowaki’s soothing deep kiss.

He pushed in further and further, feeling Hiro’s grip tighten on his back, targeting the pleasure spot with the tip of cock as his balls rubbed against flesh. At first his body moved slowly, letting Hiro relax. And then he quickly gained speed as Hiro simultaneously hurled moans in the air. His ragged breaths surrounded the two. He could barely see Nowaki’s smiling face through his teary vision. This was the man he truly loved, slowly ravishing his breaths--capturing his heart day after day. All that matter was that Nowaki loved him.
Nowaki’s sweaty chest pressed against his as Nowaki pummelled Hiro in a heated frenzy. The friction between the thick cock and the tight hole created a messy sound. And only the single pale moon was a witness, peaking through the glass pane at the two bare bodies, communicating love in the finest pleasure. Hiro’s voice now filled the entire room as Nowaki gave his last spurt and the two, so harmonized released together. He lay on top of Hiro, curling his fingers in Hiro’s hair. Hiro closed his eyes as the soft words lingered in his ear, “I love you and only you.” Nowaki said. I wish we could stay like this forever, Hiro thought. He smiled no matter how childish his wish was.

“Hiro-san, I can’t go.” Nowaki said.

“Don’t be foolish. It’s your work.”

“No. Honestly, I can’t stand being that far away from you. From the moment I met you, I never wanted to leave your side.” Even without seeing Nowaki’s face Hiro could tell his expression was serious. He blushed, fighting off from saying anything that would embarrass him. He realized he was speechless. It was only so long he could keep up his attitude.

“Nowaki.” he said.

“Yes, Hiro-san?”

“You’re a fool.” Hiro said with a smile. Nowaki smiled again and then brought his face close to Hiro’s. “That’s because I’m a fool for you, Hiro-san.” And his lips aggressively greeted Hiro’s. With the stars shining so brightly, Hiro wished upon a star that the two could last like this forever. And ever.

Does anyone actually read my blog? Just kinda wondering. But I understand. I'm no good. I haven't written a new story in months but I'm trying so hard and yet, I still fail. Whats the purpose anymore? I'm gonna go dig a ditch and live in it. I give up *jumps in front of a car* :'(

WTF?! -__-

Am I the only one that thinks this is stupid? I just read an article about Aoi from the Gazette hating on the vocaloids, emphasising on Miku because she's the most popular. I think this is really stupid. He says vocaloids aren't real music. I love vocaloids, but in a way, I kinda agree with him becuase Miku is a program, but I do think the vocaloids are real music too. I don't know if that makes any sense but people really shouldn't be calling Aoi curse words and saying mean things justbecause his opinion is different, right? Vocaloid fans are trying to stand up for Miku because she can't stand up for herself or something. Idk Honestly I like Gazette and Vocaloids. Reita is so sexy. I love him and I love visual kei!! xD but anyways, Miku is good enough to stand up for herself by being able to prove it with her software's performance and Gazette is good too. And over all, who gives a shit? I don't care what anyone says about Gazette or Vocaloids. I don't think this crappy ass news deserves an article. It's his opinion and no matter what he thinks, it won't stop vocaloids from making music, so why should anyone care. Who do you prefer, Gazette or Vocaloids? :D

Where's My Yaoi?!

I'm sick of waiting. I'm trying not to grow impatient but I want an English version of Junjou Romantica vol.13, Hey Class President vol. 4 & 5 and Only the Ring Finger Knows vol.5! And it breaks my heart that the Sex Pistol OVA 2 has been delayed again. LAME! I'm not satisfied with these new yaoi manga titles being released, but I'm very happy to see how popular Yaoi has become in the United States. I remember when I was much younger, the only books at the store for yaoi/ boyslove manga was Eerie Queerie and Gravitation. So I can't complain really. But what's with all the delays and brutal waiting? I want to see more yaoi anime too like Sekaiichi Hatsukoi. Sorry to be such an impatient Yaoi brat, but yeah, I need my daily dose of Yaoi. And this is kinda random, but Ciel and Sebastian's English dubbed voices for the Black Butler anime are HORRIBLE! But anyways, I'll continue to wait because I can't live without yaoi.

Cute Boy Itunes App

Echoes in my heart. It's an app for the iphone and ipod touch. It looks really cute and I read that there are three cute guys with different personalities that you can interact with. Cool, huh? But I also read the reviews about it being slow and the English translation being not that good, but I'm still considering giving it a try for my ipod touch. I think it's a game where the guys just say nice and encouraging things to the player and answer different questions and stuff. Fun for car rides or when waiting at the dentists' office or whatever. It looks cool and cute boys make it worth every penny, so I'm excited!! ;D

This Book Gives Me a Fever! xD

Hmmm...don't where to begin about this book. It's really good. So many hot kissing scenes lolz but there are very few sex scenes. Lame. And the sex scenes aren't as good as in the novel,Caged Slave, but the novel was pretty cute. It's short, which is good because other books just go on and on and on...until I fall asleep. I've read really long books that haven't put me to sleep too. So fair enough, right? Yeah. It's about these two friends, the quiet and cute uke, Satori and the sexy, tall Asou. They get drunk at a party and have sex. And then ever since then Asou kisses Satori and Satori can't resist him, wishing to be groped and f**ked and stuff. But Satori hears that Asou has a girlfriend? And then Satori becomes perplexed and heartbroken. It has a very good ending and a second story that is more character driven than plot driven. I liked the book...a lot! It was cute. Yaoi novels FTW! xDDD

hmm...Gackt Diary

I don't know. I have a little bit of money and I'm about to order Gackt's 2011 Calendar quickly since it was released November 13. I'm rushing because I still have Gackt's 2009 calendar hanging on my wall and it doesn't help when I write down the wrong date because yeah, it's from 2 years ago! And when I tried to buy Gackt's 2010 calendar it was SOLD OUT everywhere. Not again. I'm not letting myself go Gackt-less again. I learn from my mistakes, right? But anyways, I'm thinking about getting the Gackt 2011 diary/organizer. It would be good to get something I can use for school & work and stare at Gackt *drools* but I fear...it will be to gorgeous to write on it. Also, it's gonna be HARD work to get because it's sold in Japan only. It seems impossible but it's possible. *sighs* I love Gackt, but not that much so I'm still thinking about it. Or...I could buy a bunch of Rilakkuma stuff, which I'll probably do no matter what. Whatever.

It's Over! :D

I talk about my love life on twitter a lot because I go many dates and stuff, but that's not the point here. The point is I've been crushing on this guy I work with and I feel like it's becoming awful. I keep thinking about our first date. It was God awful. I should be treated better y'know? But anyways, when I first met him, he was cool and all, sharing the same interests and stuff. And then I asked him if he wanted to get coffee sometime. I was just being polite, I didn't really mean some time as in "let's really do this" duh. But he was all like, "Sure how about Sunday." And stupid me agreed. I know right? Dumb move. But it gets worse. So Saturday night, I have an argument with my dad (I don't even remember what we were fighting about -_- and then by Sunday morning, I forgot all about the date and then I called out sick from work. Bad idea. Thinking I could have a relaxing day, he calls, so I feel really bad and agree to still going. He was asking me if I was ok because I wasn't at work. And I'm like I'm good. Let's go. I really wanted to see him. So I hurry out thinking we're just getting coffee, right?

So I hurry up and meet him at the coffee shop. We get our coffee and were talking and stuff. And then he says "Your French and Irish, right?" I'm like yeah. And then he says, "That means your parents are immigrates." I was shocked. At that moment I should've walked out. But it gets much worse. He starts talking about politics and ethnic status and I'm like what? All I know is that Obama is president of United States. And then I'm thinking, ok it's time to go home since we finished our coffee. But then he says let's go see a movie and that he'll pay and everything. So I agree. And we go. (And he doesn't have a car,so we're walking.) And we get to the movie theater and he asks me what I want to see. I tell him, How to Train Your Dragon. And guess what he says to the guy at the ticket booth. Two for Iron Man 2. Is this a date from hell or what? But it gets even worse!! I'm like wtf? And then he goes to pay for the movie, but the movie theater we choose for some reason only takes cash (wtf?) And he doesn't have any. Idiot. I smile and pay for it, praying that I brought enough cash, since I thought we were just getting coffee(stupid me). So, he promises me dinner, since I'm pissed off, but I'm like thinking what do you mean by dinner? We were only getting coffee!!! But he's paying for dinner, so why not? I buy popcorn and just try to relax and forgive. Everybody make mistakes, right. I show him my new phone and he was just so sweet and cute. I really liked him. And the movie starts and he puts his arm around me and my heart is pounding and I as gaze up at him, my eyes meet a pair of angry eyes. My mouth hangs open. And guess who's sitting in the seat next to us? My boss and his wife. And I've forgoy about the fact that I had called out of work that morning. I could've died at that moment. I'm trembling. What are the odds of that? My boss says, "hmmm you made a great recovery for your date." And my voice is shaky and I'm speechless. That's awful and stupid. And I'm watching Iron Man 2 --the movie I didn't ask to see as my date talks the entire time. Shut up, please?

I'm not hungry, but still he takes me to dinner. I say I want Mickey D's, he takes me to Apple Bee's! He doesn't listen to me! ever. I'm a bit of a picky eater, so I'm searching through the menu, since he's paying I better get something I like. I order chicken tenders and fries. yummy :3 And when I told the waitress, he says (while I'm ordering) "What? that's a kid meal. Choose something b/c I'm not you buying that." I'm shocked. He's such a bully. And then he chooses an order for me. And tells the waitress what he thinks I want. I couldn't believe he'd be like this. And then waitress defends me by saying (nicely), "Well, at least buy your date what they want." She smiles and he gives in. When we got our food, at that moment, I lost it. I want to go home. I just stare at him like a zombie while he's eating . I don't even eat my food. And he's smiling and eating. I think I was thinking about killing him, who knows? And then he asks me if I want desert and he lets me choose (i love desert) and he looks so cute and when he holds my hand--i love him!! I really do or did? And the next day, I can't stop texting him. I guess something about him I really like, and he says, the date was ruined because of me! Me? (I'm an idiot) I apologized to him over and over again until I cried on the phone and said he should let me make it up to him. I'm stupid. He ruined the date. It's his fault not mine. FOOLISH BITCH! It's over between me and him even if I do still like him. I should stop loving him, right? O_O

Thank You. & New Problems for Misaki? O_O

Sometimes I feel like the mangaka,Kyou Ijuuin in Junjou Romantica that draws the The☆Kan (Misaki's favorite manga) I become incredibly pessimistic about writing--dead inside like no one reads my writing or cares about it,so what's the point in writing if no one's reading it? Should I give up? No. I continue to try hard. Really hard. I write because I like too(and I'm kinda not good at anything else lolz xD). So I really wanna say thank you to all the reviews I received on my stories --good or bad. When I get comments, I get so happy and this warm fuzzy feeling runs through my body. It's weird. (My heart orgasms when I read a nice comment. ^///^) but thank you. Comments bring tears of joy to my eyes as I read them over and over and over again. THANK YOU people who read and comment on my work. THANK YOU. You honestly mean the world to me. Kisses for everyone. xD Also I heard that in Junjou Romantica vol. 13 that Kyou Ijuuin might be a huge problem for Misaki & Usagi-san because when Misaki goes to his autograph signing, he recognizes Misaki as the boy that helped his self-esteem. I think he falls in love with Misaki or something like that, so I'm excited for Junjou vol. 13. Keep your fingers crossed, this could be really good! xD

Crazy for You.

Totally relates to my relationship with that guy I like xD kyaaa!! He makes me smile *cheeky* kyaaaaa! love him so much & I love this song xD.




(credit to the youtuber who made this. Video is not mine)

Roller Coasters, Pizza & A Sprained Muscle? O_O

Next to ghosts, monsters and aliens, my biggest fear is the roller-coaster. Those devils are so scary and so not fun. They're like my biggest fear, but I still get on them anyway. It's embarrassing that I actually cried on a strange old woman's shoulder when riding the Batman at Six Flags when I was much younger, I think I was 13 or something. I'm pathetic, right? And the other day I was with my sister and a friend and we were at six flags. They convinced to go on this crazy, spinning, super fast roller-coaster (forgot the name of it)and I was like okay at first as it slowly moved and whoosh! It was fast on the track and I was screaming and crying. And it was so embarrassing because the kid next to me was half my size and probably like 12 years old and the ride had no effect on him, instead he was laughing at me, but worst of all I clung to his arm and buried my head in his side, closing my eyes and shrieking. And when the ride turned upside down, I bit the kid's arm. .And yeah, that's pretty bad. I gnaw on people when I go on crazy rides. And the little brat wouldn't stop laughing and waving his arms in the air. Like wtf? And when I got off the ride, it was really dark and cold, so I was heading to the car, but my arm hurt so badly. It was awful. My body is like really stiff now and my voice is hoarse from all the screaming. Next time, I'm going on nothing but baby rides lolz

Some Things Will Never Change

A yaoi fanfic of Shizuo X Izaya. I totally love Shizuo and Izaya, so when they're together, they're like one of the hottest yaoi couples (nosebleed). Shizaya FTW! ^_^ All characters and situations other than my own belong to Ryohgo Narita. Enjoy. :D

Some Things Will Never Change

Shizuo brushed the gentle snowflakes from his pale blond hair. His black leather shoes imprinted in the snow as he walked with his hands in his pockets. Even in the cold weather, he wore nothing but his bartender outfit. Even his sunglasses were fogged up by the cold air. And just fiddling with the buttons on the vest reminded him of his brother, the one that bought him the outfit to begin with. He glanced for a second at the big movie poster hanging on the side of the movie theater. It was an old poster of his brother’s debut film. He groaned and continued past. It was enough to increase his bad mood but only a little.

“Izaya-kun.” The name spilled from his between his lips, “I will kill you.” His voice was a low grumble. He clinched his fists, getting angrier by the second. He tried to calm himself. I don’t like violence. He revealed a cigarette from his pocket and then lit it. Puffs of smoke filled his surrounding. He gritted his teeth imaging Izaya’s smiling face. I hate having him on mind all the time. I can’t tell if it’s anger or obsession that keeps me thinking about him. He took a step forward, kicking an empty can on the street.

“Hey Shizuo, want some sushi? It’s good for you.” Simon called out from the shop. Shizuo, continuing with his head down, barely spoke; he just waved the man away as he walked further towards an alley. He didn’t feel like going home tonight when he was so angry just thinking about Izaya. It was like he was unconsciously trying to hunt the mischievous boy down. He knew Izaya would be hard to find, right? Izaya was always found in weird places: either nearby just to annoy him or stomping on girls’ cell phones. But Shizuo couldn’t stop himself from smiling; just thinking about how he would destroy Izaya. First he’d start by smashing the boy with something really really heavy or even stabbing Izaya with his own knife"something slow and painful would do. He laughed to himself, brushing more snow out of his hair. And when he realized it, he had walked himself to a dead end.

He stood there for a moment. Taking the last smoke from his cigarette, he then dropped it in the snow. “Something stinks.” He said to himself as turned to leave. But he was startled at the sound of a sneeze. He raised an eyebrow. He wasn’t scared, after all being the strongest man in Ikebukuro, not many dared to approach him. And without a second thought he proceeded to leave.

“Even in a snow storm you’re dressed like a bartender? You really are stupid.” Shizuo recognized the voice followed by ridiculing laughter without even turning around. He clinched his fists. Grabbing for the closest streetlamp, he said:

“Izaya-kun!” His voice was a roar that even surprised himself. Izaya sat there with his head resting on his knees, wiping his runny nose with his jacket sleeve. Even with the enraged Shizuo coming towards him, he didn’t move. Instead he drew his knife from his pocket. “Come any closer Shizu-chan and I’ll cut you.” He said and then he coughed more and more, causing him to drop his knife. What was this? Izaya was barely strong enough to fight back? This was it, Shizuo thought, his chance to finally kill Izaya"revenge. Izaya’s breath came out in chunks"clouds of breath and his eyes were watery half-moons. The closer Shizuo got, the more he could see Izaya’s flushed face. Shizuo stopped. His heart skipped a beat. A vibrant stirring began brewing in his pants. He was taken"taken by the enemy.

Shizuo blushed and took a step back. He couldn’t bring himself to attack the boy when he looked so...so arousing. Shizuo threw the street lamp in the opposite direction.

“What’s wrong with you?” he said, “Are you dying?”

“Shut up, Shizu-chan. It’s got nothing to do with you.” Izaya made an attempt to stand up, but all he did was collapse into the snow, dragging his body past Shizuo. Why am I watching him crawl away? This is my chance"my revenge. Izaya took a breath on the ground, trying to stand again. Look at him. He’s pathetic. Izaya’s hand then gripped Shizuo’s ankle.

“Izaya-kun?” Shizuo said bending down. “Shizu-chan” he said in a weak voice, constantly panting with his speech, “H-help me.” That face? Shizuo couldn’t get a grip on himself. His heart pounded so loudly it could be heard over the noisy city. He was speechless staring into the helpless Izaya’s eyes. He was so cute"so innocent looking when he was in this condition. What was this feeling coming over Shizuo? He hadn’t felt anything like this before. He felt as if he wanted to embrace Izaya regardless of their history. The boy was just so cute. He blushed and retreated frightened by his own feelings. He wanted to leave Izaya there, but the image of the weak Izaya’s cute face lingered on in his mind. His heart rapidly beat. Izaya’s eyes closed as his body became limp.

What was this feeling? Shizuo thought as he held the devious boy in his arms, pressing him close to his chest. He still has a pulse. He needs warmth. Shizuo raced threw the streets passing Simon again. Simon looked up shocked at the sight, then his eyes softened. “Things change every day, I guess.” He smiled to himself and went back into the shop.

The lights in the apartment were very bright. Shizuo sat at the end of the bed with his legs crossed. He glanced over at the resting Izaya. His fever is getting worse. Here I am, watching him sleep when I should be torturing him. Shizuo sighed. I guess I don’t hate him that much…but then why am I always thinking about him? Shizuo looked closely at Izaya’s profile. Was it his devious grin that made him so unforgettable? Or was it his flushed face that stirred Shizuo’s heart?

“Hey…quit staring at me, pervert.” Izaya opened one eye and then the other. Shizuo blushed and turned away.

“Try anything funny and I will cut you. Promise.” Izaya said and then grinned.

“Shut up. If it weren’t for me, you’d be dead right now.” Shizuo stood up. “So why don’t you kill me?” he laughed.

“Be quiet. Just be quiet.” Shizuo grabbed the nearest dresser in the bedroom and hovered it over Izaya. Izaya coughed and shivered. Shizuo blushed again and threw the dresser to the floor. It was hard to hurt Izaya when was making such a cute face. When he wasn’t being so stubborn and childlike…he was actually kinda cute. Shizuo ran his fingers through his hair at the thought. “I’ll make soup. Try to eat.”

Izaya rolled his eyes. “I don’t want that dummy. Get me pizza and beer. Now.” His foot nudged Shizuo.

“But I don’t have any pizza or beer.”

“Huh? Then go get some.” Izaya turned over whimpering from his fever. When he was like this, it was easy to laugh at him. He was like a bad child. Shizuo grabbed his wallet from the nightstand and hurried into the snow.

Somehow when Izaya’s face was flushed and he was so weak, he was irresistible. Shizuo thought. His feet crushed the snow and he couldn’t recall when he started thinking about it, but he couldn’t stop himself from imagining his fingers groping Izaya’s thin body. He wanted to skim his tongue down the boy’s pale back and push his fingers inside, maybe even taking the boy from the back. He wanted to place his lips near the boy’s neck and nuzzle him. The thoughts made him blush as his member began to throb from between his thighs. He shook his head back and forth, trying to rid himself of the thoughts. After all the pain and suffering I went through"his lies and here, I can’t even mercilessly hurt him. Damn. He took out another cigarette, but it wasn’t long before he returned to his lonely apartment. He eased the door open, trying not to rip it off the hinges.

He entered the bedroom and placed the food on the nightstand. When he pulled back the blankets, Izaya was missing from the bed. “Izaya-kun…” the name spilled from his mouth. Was this a trick or something? No matter how cute Izaya appeared to be, he was still a trickster of the worst type. But then Shizuo heard a thud. It came from the bathroom. And when he listened closely, he heard the shower water hitting the porcelain tub.

The bathroom was steamy and there was Izaya lying bare on the tiled floor. Beads of water traced his body. His eyes were downcast as his chest bobbed up and down from his heavy breathing. He was panting with his eyes half open.

“W-what happened?” Shizuo couldn’t stop his nosebleed from just looking at boy’s body. He covered his blushing face, feeling his member twitch at the sight. He licked his lips. What had become of him? These lustful thoughts. He couldn’t control himself. Izaya looked into his eyes, helplessly panting.

“I tried to shower,” he said in a low whisper, “But then I started to feel faint and…” He couldn’t finish his sentence without whimpering from his vicious fever. His flushed cheeks were glowing as he lifted his head. “P-please…take me to bed.”

And at that moment Shizuo lost all control over his actions. He ran his fingers through Izaya’s black hair. The sick boy couldn’t fight back. Shizuo took a breath and buried his face in Izaya’s hair. “You smell so nice for a rat.” He smiled and then gently kissed the boy’s head.

His arms wrapped around Izaya’s waist, pulling him closer. He leaned Izaya’s weak body against the tub. His back was against the cold porelain but he was so hot inside he could barely feel it. Shizuo’s hands brushed against his hard pink nipples. Izaya moaned loudly, trying to hold back his voice as his fingers gripped the bathroom rug. He tilted his head back as Shizuo’s lips pressed against his neck, first nipping at the ear, making him flinch. A sudden heat brewed between his thighs as Shizou licked his collar bone, planting tiny kisses all over his pale skin. His lips then traveled to Izaya’s chest. He licked a nipple strikingly like a snake, his hot tongue whipped it. Izaya’s moans were high pitch as he tried to pull away, but Shizuo’s strength was too much, overpowering so easily, he had no other option but to submit. It felt so good. He couldn’t deny it. He cooed loudly with his thighs pressed together to hide his thick member, throbbing from Shizuo’s heated fingertips caressing his flesh. He seemed more sensitive. Before another pant could escape his lips, Shizuo pressed his mouth against Izaya’s harshly. It was a rough kiss that forced Izaya’s lips apart. Shizuo then pushed his tongue in, sucking on Izaya’s bottom lip. Izaya clutched Shizuo’s hair. Their foreheads were touching. Izaya’s lips curled around Shizuo’s lips as he felt Shizuo’s hands massaging his hips. He slightly groaned but he couldn’t stop kissing Shizuo, their lips meeting over and over again. He wanted Shizou inside him. He’d never admit it, but his young body hungered for it. Was this why Shizuo was always on his mind? A deep cooing pulled from his throat as his tongue entered Shizuo’s hot mouth. Both their bodies were ablaze.

A high-pitched moan flew from Izaya’s mouth when Shizuo’s finger entered him. It was unexpected but the more the finger pulled in and out, the more it began to feel so pleasurable. He wanted more than just a finger. He became frustrated, yearning for something thicker, bigger.

“I see. You’re a virgin.” Shizuo chuckled and then kissed the boy’s blushing face. Izaya refused to face him in this situation. He couldn’t. But Shizuo seemed to read his mind. His fingers rapidly undid the belt on his pants and revealed his swollen organ just waiting for a release. Shizuo didn’t know how much longer he could go before penetrating the helplessly greedy Izaya. He then noticed the erection Izaya was trying to hide. He was so hard it looked as if he would explode. This brought a smile to Shizuo’s face, seeing Izaya like this, knowing the boy was begging for it.

“Look at you,” he said, “You’re about to explode.”

“S-shut up.” Izaya’s voice was lustful as he parted his legs letting Shizuo see all of him. Shizuo took the invitation without a second thought. He gripped Izaya’s thighs tenderly and gently pressed his member against the moist entrance. Izaya moaned. Shizuo pushed in deeper, watching Izaya struggle in pain, the young man gripping the bathroom rug and tears streaming down his cheeks. This wouldn’t do anything for his fever except make him hotter. But Shizuo held him tightly, listening to his sexy moans echo throughout the bathroom. He thrust slowly, letting the boy’s virgin hole accustom to his thick size. Izaya scratched Shizuo’s back, leaving marks that mimicked cat scratches. He gritted his teeth as Shizuo rocked him back and forth, his back constantly slamming into the porcelain tub. His fingers inched up Izaya’s heated body, kissing Izaya’s lips as his thrusts quicken. Izaya’s moans grew louder and louder. The warmth between them was growing so strong that beads of sweat drizzling down their bodies. Shizuo pushed in deeper, rocking Izaya’s body faster and faster. Shizuo’s jagged breaths quickened as his warm member felt as if it were about to burst inside Izaya’s hot body. And Izaya’s voice reached a soprano pitch. Holding Izaya close, he gave his last splurt, filling the boy with his hot cream and simultaneously, Izaya’s jizz ran between his thighs as he fell limp in Shizuo’s arms. His chest was moving rapidly as his eyes closed. And there he lay in Shizuo’s arms faint from the heat. Shizuo smiled. Izaya had never looked so cute. He kissed the boy on the lips again, wishing he could hold him forever.

By morning, Izaya awoke in Shizuo’s bed. Mmmm…these blankets smell like Shizuo, he thought as he smiled. He then quickly closed his eyes as Shizou entered the room.

“Get up. It’s already noon.”

Izaya opened his eyes, “I feel better.”

“Yeah, I checked your temperature this morning. You’re fever is gone.”

“So I’m leaving.” Izaya pulled on his jackt. His fingers brushed against the fur trim. Thank you was what he wanted to say, but he’d never say it.

“Shizu-chan.”

“What?”

“About last night. Err…If you tell anyone...I’ll just say it was rape.” He smiled and headed for the window watching the now enraged Shizuo reach for anything insight. “You! Y-you wanted it! Izaya-kun! He growled hurling the bed. Izaya darted out the window dodging everything Shizuo threw. Neither of them would forget what happened on that night and both treasured the memory if they could admit it or not. Simon watched a vending machine crash in the distance. He laughed. “And sometimes, things never change.” he said, watching Izaya sprint past and Shizuo throwing a car. Simon was right. Some things would never change.

Busy Busy Busy & Kinda Lazy :p

Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. First off I need to get my coworker off my mind, because he's too sexy and he's distracting me from getting anything done, but blogging these cheesy posts abut how in love I am with him. It needs to stop. Now. Next, shopping is like consuming my life to the point where all I do is buy without thinking. Bad. Very bad. And now I feel guilty and scared for like no reason. Starting to think I'm going crazy. But I'm gonna get through with Izaya as my witness, I will clean up my problems and go back to work (literally go to my job lolz & stop calling out. bad me. I need a spanking ^///^) but yeah, totally love Izaya! Izaya FTW!! ^o^ But seriously I need to write more yaoi too. I promise to clean up my act ASAP. That is all. Thank you.

Crazy for You.

It's so hard to fight back the tears battling my eyes when I watch him leave. I don't think he knows that my heart cries a little as I see him walk through the sliding doors. He doesn't understand how much I wanna be with him. I come to work excited when working the same days, my heart pounding and my mind racing, thinking up all the things I could say to him. But as soon as I see him, my eyes light up and I smile hard and then he turns to me and his smile takes everything I planned to say away. I like him. I love him.

I want to go to BL Academy

I'm gonna be honest about this before I even start talking about Gakuen Heaven Endou Calling You manga, I'm a die hard Gakuen Heaven Lover! Yes, I own the games & mangas & even a cute Endou & Keita memo pad. Endou & Keita are my FAVORITE pairing. Anyways, the English translation of Endou Calling You was very very good. As always I love the artwork by You Higuri and I love the company Spray (their games are awesome). The story is really intense, but the beginning is very slow because it's a recap of Keita's arrival at BL Academy.But after that it's a pager tuner! no lie. The storyline gets so intense when the new vice president tries to wreck Endou's & Keita's relationship and the BL Academy! It's a great BL story not much explicit sex (lame). I don't know which I like better the Gakuen Heaven Nakajima manga (he's so sadistic ;D) or Gakuen Heaven Endou manga (he's such a cutie kyaaa!xD). In each manga Keita is very different. His usually personality is sweet and adventurous like in the Gakuen Heaven Niwa manga & Endou manga, but in the Nakajima manga, he's very innocent, sweet and so weak. I like Keita like that, weak and innocent. Which is better, weak Keita or adventurous Keita? O_O

Crazy for You.

Sometimes I like to watch this guy at work. He's just so cute; even just hearing his voice, my body gets really tense and my heart lights up in my chest. And I just can't stop thinking about him. Drives me crazy. I get so happy and smile a lot when he speaks to me with that soft, deep manly voice. He probably wonders what I'm thinking about when every time he sees me, I'm smiling. Maybe he knows I have a secret crush that's becoming too much to hide? I miss him when he leaves work and wait for him to say "bye". And even sometimes I avoid him just to see if he'll care that I'm not near him. I like playing games like that, helps me reassure that maybe he can return my feelings. I even read his text messages over and over again when I start missing him. I love him. A lot.

Piyotan: Housekeeper wa Cute na Tantei! BL Game

Have you ever played Piyotan? I freakin' love this BL game. My translation of its Japanese are really horrible so I kinda don't understand the game that well (epic fail, ikr. w/e) but yeah,the artwork is so cute and the yaoi scenes are pretty hardcore. I really like this game. It's about a cute boy named Toru who is a detective and receives a mission to investigate a mansion. He pretends to be a housekeeper to discover clues and stuff and he meets many sexy guys there. Very cool game from Spray. Love it :D

Hey Class President FTW! ^o^

I give this manga five stars. It's so cute and awesome even though the artwork isn't as beautiful as others like Hotaru Odagiri (love her artwork the most ^^),but yeah, the Class President manga is awesome. I have read volumes 1, 2 & 3 so far. I heard there is a 4th volume coming but I don't know when :p Chiga and Kokusai are such a cute couple and after reading most of the series so far, I still have no clue to what is going on. I mean like the entire story is a little plotless. Kokusai realizes he's in love with Chiga and Chiga has been in love with Kokusai for like ever now. *sighs* I keep reading, hoping the story will get more interesting but judging that volume 4 is the last one, the ending can be predicted--bummer. It's still a nice read with pretty good sex and all that stuff. Good smut lolz xD, w/e I like it. I love the way they just can't stop having sex. Chiga is just so horny and Kokusai...Kokusai is a pervert (tee hee ^///^) And there is a spin-off manga called Daini Button Kudasai. It's about Kokusai's friend, Akutsu and his boyfriend Murakami & how they fell in love during judo practice. Totally worth a read I think. But yeah, looking forward to Hey Class President volume 4 ^__^

Green Light = Go Read This Now! ^o^

I really liked this BL novel, but it's very sweet compared to the explicit books I read, but still I like it. At first, knowing the book doesn't have any good explicit sex scenes is a big turn off and the first couple pages are boring, but after that it's amazing. It's about this boy named Izumi that becomes isolated at school after shouting at his best friend, the most popular student, the Prince Charming Natsuki when they are kids. And ever since then, even now they are in high school, Izumi's classmates have ostracized him. So Izumi blames Natsuki for his isolation. So Natsuki tries to help Izumi be liked by the other classmates and asks what he can do to help and angrily Izumi says (sarcastingly) "Go out with me!" but Natsuki takes Izumi seriously and thus their love blooms. The characters annoy me but it was still a good book to read. A cute story. I read a review about it before buying it and like the reviewer really took the novel a little too seriously, I mean, it's a just a story -- anything can happen, right? Yes, the story is a little ridiculous, but it was still very cute. But if you like sex thirsty novels like me, then don't rush to buy it. Love BL novels :)

Usagi, Misaki & Mizuki: Junjou Romantica 12

I'm very excited that vol. 13 is out in Japanese because after reading vol 12, I was like I need more Junjou. I mean like I'm hoping the story will have a very nice ending but not until at least a couple more volumes. I like the story's well balanced plot and perfectly timed sex scenes. It's very cute. But as I'm noticing in vol.12 the art style is starting to a change a little. Idk, Misaki and Usagi are starting to look weird lolz xD. Overall, each volume is amazing. And this may be weird to say, but Misaki finishing college and looking for a job is kinda sad b/c i don't know its just a little sad. And I kinda feel like Misaki really does love that mangaka of the cooking manga he's obsessed with. Misaki wants to work in the manga department at the publishing house and then he plans to go to the mangaka's autograph session, not wanting Usagi-san to come. That's enough proof for me lolz xD The mangaka is hot, so yeah, I understand Misaki. I like this volume a lot, but I don't like Mizuki. He's a jerk and I'm happy Junjou Egoist is included in this volume. Love Hiro & Nowaki. Junjou always has the cutest couples. Misaki & Usagi forever. Can't wait for volume 13 to come out in America! ;D

Sebastain & Ciel Fanfic : His Butler, Kissing

A very soft yaoi fanfic of Sebastian X Ciel. I'm still kinda new to the series, but I love it so much. Can't stop watching Kuroshitsuji ^_^ All characters and situations other than my own belong to Yana Toboso.

His Butler, Kissing

When the morning light seeped in through the silk curtains, Sebastian stood by the young master’s side. His red eyes were beaming against the sunlight. He hadn’t blown out the candle from last night since Ciel had given him orders to stay at his side until he awoke in the morning. Sebastian then rose to his feet, hovering over the young master twisted in a sea of blankets. Ciel’s eyelashes fluttered even though his eyes remained shut. And feeling the warmth of his butler slight shift away, he wanted to pull Sebastian back down. He knew he could just carelessly order Sebastian to stay, but that would make his feelings too obvious. What was this feeling building up in his chest? Lately he found himself watching Sebastian and then turning away when Sebastian’s eyes would catch his. Nowadays it was even harder to give an order without blushing or shyly looking away. He had been awake for almost 10 minutes now, but he wouldn’t open his eyes. He feared Sebastian would leave now that he was awake. Without or with a contract, I’d still want him near me. Ciel thought. He blushed.

Gracefully Sebastian headed toward the door. He smirked. “Young master, you can stop pretending now.” Sebastian’s stylish voice rang deeply in his ears.
Ciel didn’t bother to lift his head, “Why are you leaving my side?”
“But master you had ordered me to stay by your side while you slept. Now that you’re awake, I will make breakfast. Would you a like a scone, croissant or toast with your meal?”

“Scone.” Ciel’s voice was hesitant.

“Very well then.” As Sebastian took another step toward the doorway, Ciel then said in a weak voice that even surprised Sebastian, “Thank you.” These weren’t words Ciel threw around carelessly. Sebastian made a face as if he were thrown off guard. But soon he regained his posture. This wasn’t the young master’s usual concrete attitude. Ciel didn’t dare to look at him, not even from the corner of his eyes. His chest was tight. Sebastian smiled. “A Phantomhive butler who can’t do this much isn’t worth his salt.”

Ciel pushed his face into the pillow. He didn’t want Sebastian to even catch a glimpse of the face he was making. His heart was pounding in his chest from just his butler’s deep voice. What kind of feeling was this? Ciel had never felt such feelings for Elizabeth—only Sebastian.

Clash! The breaking of porcelain echoed throughout the entire mansion. Sebastian sighed, placing his face in his palm. That noise could only be one thing: Mey-Rin’s cleaning. Sebastian shook his head, “Please excuse me, my lord.” He then exited the bedroom. Ciel lifted his head, staring at the spot of where Sebastian had been standing. When you’re not in my sight, I feel so lonely…

Ciel sat up in bed. The aroma of his tea filled the room. “Green tea?” he said. Sebastian stood before him, laying out his outfit for the day. “Ah yes, master, it was a present from Tanaka.” I can’t stop my body from reacting whenever he’s around me. Ciel tried to hide his flushed face as Sebastian’s long fingers slid his blouse on. Sebastian then balanced on one knee to place a shoe on Ciel’s foot. “There are no guests visiting us today. You are free to do as you wish.” Ciel sat there staring at Sebastian. His eye-patch was secured on his face and his necktie, neatly tied like a bow.

“You’re strangely quiet today young master. Is everything ok?”
“It’s nothing.” Ciel’s face was stern. His fingers gently pressed against the darts on the table. Sebastian looked at that. “Please master save the games for another time.”

“Hmph.” Ciel turned away.
“I shall await you at the dining table.” Sebastian said.
“Sebastian—” the name unconsciously spilled from Ciel’s mouth. And before he realized it, he was pulling on Sebastian’s sleeve. He then moved his hand. He backed up. He couldn’t recall when he had stood up, but his actions alarmed himself.
“Do you need something?” Sebastian questioned.
“No. It’s nothing.” Ciel’s face was flushed.
“Very well,” Sebastian exited.

“What was I thinking?” Ciel said aloud. He covered his face with both his hands. I want Sebastian near me at all times. But I can barely control myself when he’s around. He took a deep breath. I need to calm myself. I am Ciel Phantomhive, head of this house… He rubbed his ring. …and I should be able to suppress these loving feelings. But what am I going to do when he’s near while I’m eating breakfast? I can’t even stop blushing in his presence. Hopeless.

Breakfast wasn’t so bad. I wonder if he noticed that I turned my head every time we made eye contact. Ciel put his head down. He now sat at the desk in his study. What is wrong with me? I never felt so strange around Sebastian like this. He rested his chin on the wood. Ciel rose up from his chair to get a book when he noticed Sebastian from the window. Sebastian was instructing Finny on how to weed the courtyard— correctly. Ah…Sebastian. He’s so tall and sharp with those red piercing eyes. And his black hair is soft. He’s handsome. Very handsome I’d never admit aloud but I wonder what it’d be like if he held me…close, so close that I could hear his empty heartbeat. And his warmth would caress me as his cold lips would meet mine. I love his devilish smirk. When he looks at me with those blood stained eyes—I just want to melt! Ciel’s face distorted. Why is my heart beating so loudly? What am I thinking? Curse these thoughts. Ciel’s entire body was blushed. He pressed his face against the windowpane. And then from the window, he and Sebastian made eye contact. Ciel panicky slipped. His back hit the floor. He looked at the ceiling. I think…I think I’m in love with Sebastian.

Ciel looked at the bell. He could call Sebastian to the study if he wanted to see him that badly. But it wasn’t that easy when he was in love like this. I’m no good in this condition. I need to get my mind off him.

The mansion was quiet. Ciel slowly walked down the stairs with his cane. His shoes softly hit the carpet. He wasn’t sure of what room he was walking to, but any room without Sebastian would do. As a he took a step near the kitchen, he stopped. From where he stood near the entrance, he could see Sebastian making preparations for his next meal. The silverware was polished with a mirror-like shine and all the damaged blossoms were cut from the bouquet. Sebastian puts so much work into his chores. I understand he’s under contract, but…he has so much passion in his work. Maybe…just maybe Sebastian has fallen in love with me too? Ciel blushed. He slid his finger along his bottom lip. He started to walk away, but the floor creaked as he moved and Sebastian noticed him.

“Y-young master? This isn’t like you. Do you need something?”
“Ah. I was going to the lavatory.”
“But master, why did you stop at the kitchen?”
“I wanted something to drink.” Without any questions, Sebastian handed Ciel a freshly made cup of tea. As their hands meet, Ciel quickly pulled away, embarrassed of his feelings. The fine china shadowed the floor as Sebastian caught before it broke. “My Lord?”

Ciel stood there with his eyes glued on Sebastian. He wouldn’t blink or turn away. Even with the blush inching up his cheeks. His heart was pounding so loudly, he feared Sebastian could hear it. He clinched his fists by his side. He couldn’t fight these feelings anymore. Sebastian’s ruby eyes laid on him. And in a whisper, so low Ciel almost couldn’t hear himself, he said: “Sebastian…I order you to kiss me.”
“But young master?” Sebastian was shocked. His expression was in disbelief. This request was so unexpected. “Do I have to repeat my order?” Ciel quickly added. Sebastian’s eyes softened, “Very good, my lord.” And then he moved so close to Ciel that his hot breath fell on Ciel’s upper lip. His expensive cologne washed over the boy as their eyes met. Ciel quickly shut his eyes. Even he was embarrassed by his order.

Sebastian’s arms slowly wrapped around the boy’s thin torso like a snake. Their shadows overlapped. My heart feels as if it’s going to explode. Ciel’s body fell limp. He didn’t dare to move, letting Sebastian do all the work. Sebastian’s hot lips skimmed down Ciel’s neck. He smirked. His experience would be too much for Ciel, but he refused to hold himself back. His black hair tickled Ciel’s nose. And as Ciel unconsciously turned away, Sebastian held him by his chin and turned his lips toward his. Sebastian’s lips pressed against his; the sensation filled his body. The spot of where they were joined tingled. Ciel relaxed his shoulders. Maybe Sebastian does love me. He could return my feelings. And drive me slowly out of mind.
The warmth spread through both their bodies as their lips overlapped. Ciel slowly parted his mouth, still yearning for the little kisses Sebastian had began with. His arms hung over Sebastian’s shoulders. It felt so good to be in Sebastian’s arms—his presence. Ciel wanted to smile. This was the first in a long time that he was sincerely happy. When Sebastian finally parted, taking Ciel’s breath away; they held a steady gaze. Ciel then pressed his head on Sebastian’s chest.
“Any more orders, my lord?”

Ciel didn’t respond. He pushed his face harder into Sebastian’s chest. Sebastian blushed, “I see. My kiss has made you speechless. I’m merely one hell of a butler.” And then bringing his lips to Ciel’s ear, “I love you, young master.” he cooed.